Act of Bravery A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St Peter greets him and says, "Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good." The man racks his brains and then admits to St Peter that he hasn't done anything particularly good in his life. "Well," says St Peter, "have you done anything particularly brave in your life?" Yes, I have," replies the man proudly. St Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery. So the man explains, "I was refereeing t h i s i m p o r t a n t m a t c h between Liverpool and Everton at Anfield. The score was nil-nil with only one minute to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Cop end." "Yes," replied St Peter, "I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you tell me when this took place?" "Certainly," the man replied, "about three minutes ago.
10. 1991 If you can’t say anything nice !
They said that dress looked better on. On what ? ……..On fire.
There’s a bus leaving in a few minutes,
It would be good if you were under it. You’d make a perfect stranger.
I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in ?
I can’t seem to remember your name - and please don’t help me.
Classic Banter. George Bernard Shaw (inviting Winston Churchill to the opening night of Pygmalion.) “ Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend, if you have one.” Churchill, “Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second. If there is one.”
Ethel “I was talking to Mavis from next door this morning, she says that her Bert’s dyslexia is getting worse by the week. She found him o u t s i d e T e s c o ’ s yesterday with a sign and a collection box. Harold “What’s wrong with that?” Ethel “The sign read, PLEASE HELP ME, I HAVE DAILYSEX.”
If it weren’t for Electricity We'd all be watching the telly by Candlelight.
BREAKING NEWS. Miners Trapped
Underground....amazing pictures. THE PHOTOGRAPH OVERLEAF WAS TAKEN WITH THE LATEST TECHNOLOGY IN UNDERGROUND CAMERAS, OF 2 COAL MINERS TRAPPED, WAITING TO BE RESCUED. (REALLY HEARTWRENCHING STUFF.) PLEASE DO NOT TURN THE PAGE OR LOOK AT THE PHOTO IF YOU ARE OF A SENSITIVE NATURE OR EASILY UPSET
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