A man phoned the Chemist and asked urgently,” Do you sell incontinence pants?”
“Yes we do.” Replied the Chemist. “ Can I ask where you’re ringing from?”
The man replied, “From the waist down.” 2. Daryl & John
BRIAN A man walked out into the street and caught a taxi just going past. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "Brian!" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a West End star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then." Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow."
Serves 4 Ingredients 4 pieces of salmon fillet. 1 bunch of asparagus 2 red onions 12 cherry tomatoes new potatoes enough for 4 people olive oil sweet chilli sauce
Set oven to 200
The only tricky bit is catching the salmon.
Par boil the new potatoes then drain and place in large roasting tin with the oil and the quartered onions and cook in oven for 15 mins. Add the asparagus and cherry tomatoes and baste with the oil. Cook for a further 10 mins. Add the salmon fillets and brush with the sweet chilli sauce Cook for a further 10—15 mins. Enjoy!!
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10.
Padiham Football Club - The New Season. With the World Cup in Africa over, Padiham Football Club’s new season in the Vodkat North West Counties Football League is about to start with the big kick-off due on Saturday August 7th when Glossop North End will be the visitors to the Arbories Memorial Sports Ground to take on Padiham in what will be the first of 42 league games Padiham will be involved in during the 2010/11 football season. The draw for the initial round of the FA Cup will see Padiham travel to play Staveley Miners Welfare Football Club on Saturday 14th August before Padiham take on local rivals Colne FC in a league fixture at the Arbories on Wednesday evening 18th August which kicks-off at 7.45 p.m. Two other interesting games to be played at the Arbories in early August are the Burnley & District Summer Football League Cup Final between Padiham FCs "A" Team and the George 1V Football Team on Thursday August 5th kick-off 6.30 p.m. and the Padiham Sports Week 2010 Challenge Cup game between Blackburn Rovers FC Ladies and Aston Villa FC Ladies on Sunday August 8th kick-off at 2.00 p.m. Padiham FC Reserve Team kick-off their league season on Saturday August 14th with a home fixture at the Arbories against Ashton Athletic FC Reserves kick-off 3.00 p.m. Match Day admission charges and the cost of Season Tickets to watch Padiham Football Club are to remain the same as last season. For all other information on Padiham FC contact club secretary Alan Smith on 01282-771963 or 07775717698.
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