Summer Fun in the Park Fed up and bored this summer then why not come and join in the fun with Balloons by Design & Funfair Hire at Towneley Park. There will be a mixture of Inflatable’s and children’s rides throughout the summer, various days (weather permitting). All slides and rides are just £1.00. If you would like to continue the party back at home or can’t make the park as you are having a barbeque or other celebration then why not enquire about our Bouncy Castles, rodeo bull and ride hire to entertain all your guests and balloons to decorate your venue at our family run shop on Trafalgar St, Burnley, where are staff will be on hand to help with any questions. Halloween Specials on Balloons & Fancy Dress Also this month Balloons by Design & Funfair Hire are offering 10% off all Halloween Party Bookings during August. We are now taking pre orders for Fancy Dress Costumes and Balloon Decor.


Martin Cooper’s Horror scope Aquarius – Well, Aquarius, the moon is hiding behind some other planets this week and you have to guess where it is. It's a fun game that you can play in most back yards or building sites and I urge you to have a go. In other news, there's a cat in your chimney breast. It isn't dead, yet, but if you don't remove it you will soon get complaints from your neighbours about the smell, the constant scratching and their missing cat. Single? Find new love in a shopping trolley. Call my tarot line now to hear the sound of waves crashing against a mobile phone. Pisces – As Jupiter starts to shrink until it's totally invisible to the nude eye, it's time to start thinking about your ailing bank balance. You might think it's funny now to spend £200 on a pair of knitted magnolia oven mits, but you won't be laughing when the social are knocking to take the kids away. Single? Find new love on Jeremy Kyle. Call my tarot line now to learn the secrets of the whereabouts of Enrique Inglesias's mole. Aries – As Mars, the Milky Way and the Galaxy bars in your fridge slowly start to be devoured it's about time you joined a health farm. Or even just a farm, because frankly cattle lead healthier lives than you. Try bouncing around on a space hopper rather than looking like one. Or take up Thai boxing. Or Thai Chi. Or Chai tea. Single? Dance the night away at a lap dancing club to get attention from passing truckers. Call my tarot line now for a smashing gift wrap idea using mouse skins. Taurus – Saturn is going down into your luck chart this week just as Neptune is coming out of it and they do that sideways shuffle thingy you do with people on the street when you both end up going the same way three or four times and you just look silly. This will do no good for your plans to become a dental hygienist, but you may land a new job as a wardrobe. Single? Your new love is the spit of Flipper. Call my tarot line now to find out why Susan from accounts has a key to your boyfriends flat. Gemini – Pluto, named after Mickey Mouse’s dog, is barking at your money chart this week Gemini, and only you have the power to silence it. Try throwing a big juicy bone into it's gaping, vacuous jaws. If that doesn't solve your financial woes, try selling your grandma to a travelling circus and use the extra space for flower arranging. Single? New love wears a see through raincoat and nothing else. Call my tarot line now to hear Susan Sarandon gobbing off about Guantanamo Bay. Cancer - Venus moves into your health chart today, leaving a skid mark right through it. This is the most common cause of sciatica, so it may be worth popping to the GPs on Monday morning for a nice big dose of tranquiliser darts. By Wednesday you'll feel so wonderful that you won't care about the rest of the week, you'll just be glad that the unicorn you ride to work every morning is still on the lawn, eating the ice-cream berries you planted last night. Single? An intimate relationship with a contortionist is just up around the bend! Call my tarot line now to hear why that last sentence was much smuttier before I cleaned the punchline up a bit. Leo – Uranus and Mercury think they know it all this week, constantly whizzing around all over the shop and making you feel like a worthless piece of dirt. But don't let them push you around Leo. You are, after all, the king of the jungle. Or should that be the king of the swingers? You'll see what I mean by that on Friday night when your friends 'party' turns out to be a very revealing occasion. Single? Just wait until Friday night. Call my tarot line now to find out what you should wear on Friday night. I'll give you a clue. It's dry wipe. Virgo – The planets align outside your house this week, all wanting to see what changes you made during your recent DIY spree. And you still think Moroccan Velvet top with Peppermint Beach separated by a Gypsy Bloom dado rail was a good idea? We'll see. Meanwhile, on Tuesday, you get into a huge fight with the guy across the street who drives around on that moped at all hours. Insensitive prat. He knows how hot it is at night and that people are trying to sleep with their windows open, but still does it. Single? Stop picking fights with strangers. Call my tarot line now to be redirected to a mausoleum. Libra – Orions belt comes undone and his trousers fall down this week, which leaves you feeling fairly gullible. Don't worry though, as Christmas is almost here and there's little time left to get things sorted. Time to trim that tree, put the sprouts on and hang that mistletoe. Faa lala la la la laaaa... Single? That's because you're mad. Call my tarot line now to find out why looking down your blouse and spelling 'attic' out loud isn't a good idea whilst out in public. Scorpio – Poor Scorpio. As Jupiter slides into your money chart and Saturn slips into your handbag, you'll feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders this week. Try adjusting your bra straps or lying on your front to relieve the pressure. If that doesn't work then perhaps you've been dealt the same karmatic destiny as Sisyphus, son of king Aeolus of Thessaly and Enarete and the founder and first king of Ephyra. But then, you already knew all that. Single? True love drives a Fiat Panda. Or a giant panda. Call my tarot line now to find out more about Sisyphus... it'll come in handy on Wednesday because it's in the pub quiz. Sagittarius - Neptune is found out to be a fraud this week and that it isn't a planet at all. That's good for you because all the stuff that's kept there is being auctioned off and you come away with a lovely new set of salad tongues. These'll come in handy on Sunday afternoon when you host a dinner party and you need to get your car keys out of the grate. Single? A hot air balloon crashes in the garden on Friday and it turns out that the pilot is your old Geography teacher and you end up making out. Call my tarot line now to find out a good use for spinach. Capricorn – As Mercury rises you start to feel the need to wear more revealing clothing. We here at the Horror Scopes column beg you, for the good of the general public, not to do that. You can wear something light and airey by all means, but please don't start getting your bingo wings out just because it's sunny. It's depressing for the rest of us to have to witness you stomping around in cork wedges and lycra leggings like the love child of Rupaul and a brontosaurus, so please have mercy. Single? Start using Max Factor instead of Crayola. Call my tarot line now to hear my uncle Phillip doing his impression of Lamb Chop. It's hysterical.


Failure. 24.


When I was a young man I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. I didn’t want to be a failure, so I did ten times more work. George Bernard Shaw.


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