Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's flat when Paddy Murphy loses £500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone's got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost £500, and is afraid to come home.' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife.. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
A BLONDE FROM AN IRISH PERSPECTIVE Two Irishmen were looking up at a flagpole.
A blonde walks by and asked them what they are doing.
Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.'
The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag,
loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off.
Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height, and she gives us the length!!
He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks the way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him one Like his mother used to do.
19 Bridge Road, Chatburn BB7 4AW 01200 440736
www.thebrowncowchatburn.co.uk
Homemade food served seven days a week 12 noon - 9pm. Sundays - Full menu and Sunday Roast served from 12 noon – 9pm One course £7.95, two courses £9.95 or three courses for £11.95
REPLACEMENT WINDOWS Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Helloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! ellooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt a right idiot.
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