"Physical exercise is good for you."
I know that I should do it, but my body is out of shape, so I have worked out this easy daily program I can do anywhere: Monday: Beat about the bush. Jump to conclusions. Climb the walls. Wade through paperwork. Tuesday: Drag my heels. Push my luck. Make mountains out of mole hills. Hit the nail on the head. Wednesday: Bend over backwards. Jump on the band wagon. Balance the books. Run around in circles. Thursday: Blow my own horn. Climb the promotion ladder. Pull out the stops. Add fuel to the fire. Friday: Open a can of worms. Put my foot in my mouth. Start the ball rolling. Go over the edge. Saturday: Pick up the pieces. Pheeew eee! What a workout! and on Sunday.... I rest !
An 8 year old girl went to her dad who was working in
the shed. She asked him “
Daddy, what is sex ?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about “ the birds and the bees.” When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth wide open.
The father asked her “ why did you ask me this question?” The little girl said “ because Mum told me to tell you that dinner will be ready in a couple of sec’s.”
Yesterday, the mother in law asked me to change a light bulb, a bit later I crossed the road and walked into a bar. That evening a funny thing happened to me on the way to the theatre, I realized my life had become one big joke.
PRESENT TENSE
It was spring, but it was summer I wanted, The warm days, and the great outdoors. It was summer, but it was autumn I wanted, The colourful leaves, and the cool, dry air. It was autumn, but it was winter I wanted, The beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season. It was winter, but it was spring I wanted, The warmth and the blossoming of nature. I was a child,
but it was adulthood I
wanted, The freedom and respect. I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted, To be mature, and sophisticated. I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted, The youth and the free spirit. I was retired, but it was middle age I wanted, The presence of mind without limitations. My life was over, and I never did get what I wanted.
SLAGGY SENGA FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER FAITHER SO. FAITHER TOLD HER, SENGA DOLL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YUR MAW DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YUR HALF BROTHER. SO SENGA PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WULL. BUT AFTER TELLING FAITHER THIS, HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.' YOU CANNY MARRY WULL, MY DOLL, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YUR MITHER. BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MERR I KNOW IS YUR HALF BROTHER.
BUT MITHER KNEW AND SAID, MY DOLL, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YA HAPPY. MARRY WULL OR MARRY JOE; COS FAITHERS NO YUR PAPPY !!!
11.
Knocked down by debt ? We’ll get you back on your feet !
I picked up a copy of the Padiham edition of The Herald whilst visiting my father last weekend. I couldn’t put it down! I have brought it home (we live in Rossendale), read it three times and passed it to my colleagues and friends to read. What a chuckle, very entertaining. I’ve made my Dad promise to send on copies when he gets the monthly issues. Keep up the good work. Nicola.
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