E12
EZ
EE
KLMNO The Post Puzzler No. 36
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2010
By Frank Longol Edited by Peter Gordonl
www.fireballcrosswords.com
NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST
Curfew kerfuffle is about emotions, not logic
Dear Carolyn: Iama single dadwho raisedmy (only) daughter alone since shewas a baby. She began college this fall and is returning home for holiday break. She just turned 18, and feels she should no longer have a curfew. She had a (slightly flexible) 1 a.m. curfewin high school. Shewas a good student—summa cum laude, and IB graduate—and does not use alcohol or drugs. I knowin college she can be out till 6
a.m. without consequences. She feels her history of good decision-making should allowher “college rules”when she returns home. Iamnot so sure. I don’t think much
happens between, say, 2 and 6 a.m. that couldn’t be missed or experienced earlier in the day. I also can’t controlmy parental wiring,which will havemewaiting up at 2 a.m. wishing shewere home so I could fall asleep. I favor a 2 a.m. curfewas a reasonable
boundary. In med school they used to say 10 percent of drivers are drunk after midnight.Whowants a loved one dodging this at 3 a.m.?
G. If that’s true, then she’ll be dodging
this at your compromise 2 a.m., or even at a dad-friendly 12:15 a.m. Meanwhile, your opinion of what happens after 2 a.m. is just that—your opinion. She’s free to have a different one.
Certainly you’re in a position to
declare that it’s your house, so you make the rules.However, she’s in a position to counter that she’s legally an adult—and then you’d both be discarding nuance and sensitivity for the purpose of getting your way. Do you see what these three (bad) arguments have in common? They’re all attempts to make the curfewcase with logic, when the issue is really emotional, for both of you—and the best solution is one that satisfies each of your emotional needs: You don’t want to lie awake worrying
about your baby. CAROLYN HAX
She doesn’t want to feel like a baby. So, agree with her that her age,
history and experience with managing her own schedule mean that yes, she’s due a release from her curfew. Then, say that your roles as father and keeper of the home mean that you’re due some respect for your needs, too. A responsible, adult daughter can
certainly consider her father’s feelings and not stay out all night knowing Daddy’s lying awake at home. It sounds as if you both work hard to
do the right thing. Trusting that quality in each other can be your lingua franca, now that she’s an adult.
Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are in our late 20s
and have been together six years.We’ve never talked about marriage, but I feel secure in our commitment and fairly certain it will happen eventually. He’s the kind of guywhowould just propose out of the blue. However, I’ve recently decided I don’twant an engagement ring, after buying into it for years. Howcan I let him knowthat without bringing up a talk about marriage?
Washington You can’t. But if it upsets him to hear
(in Year 6!), “I love you, want to marry you, and don’t want the overpriced token,” then you aren’t on the path that you think.
3Read the whole transcript or join the
www.washingtonpost.com/discussions.
discussion live at noon Fridays at
Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW,Washington, D.C. 20071, or
tellme@washpost.com.
ASK AMY a treasure for adoptees
Dear Amy: I wanted to reply to the letter about the
baby boy conceived via sperm donation. I am an adopted child (long before the age of in vitro fertilization). My parents told me that I was adopted over and over from the time I was an infant (I was 3 days old when adopted). The book they read to me was “The
Chosen Baby,” by Valentina P.Wasson. It was originally published in 1939 and “updated” in 1950, which is the edition I have (I was adopted in the late 1950s when options for adoption books were pretty limited). I always felt special. I believe it is
important to tell children about where they came from at an earlier age, and I still love the story of the “chosen baby” becausemy parents (and others who have gone this route) made a conscious choice to become parents.
Happily Adopted I’mfamiliar with this important
book, which has helped many adoptive families.
Dear Amy: For those people who are in abusive
relationships, I’d like to share what a counselor told me back in 1968 that made me brave a divorce from a verbal abuser. My children were 2 and 5 at the time. He said, “You’ve tried everything and
therefore have just two choices: Leave him or live with him just as he is. There is no third option. “Your children will learn their roles as
husbands and wives from watching how the two of you relate to one another. They will emulate what they see.” That was enough for me! I hope that
you feel that this might help someone else who is struggling to make a decision. Carole in Colorado
This is so wise. Thank you.
Dear Amy: As a single traveler, I prefer to travel
with tour groups that use private buses. Many times I’masked to double up with another single so that a couple can sit together. Since I pay a premium as a single, I resent being put on the spot. I get on the bus early so I can have a selection of seats; those who arrive last should be prepared for some inconvenience. I never leave a gratuity for a tour director who asks me to move. The question: Should I be naughty or nice?
Tired Traveler Assuming that you want to remain
single, then you should just keep doing exactly what you’re doing. If you don’t want to remain single,
keep in mind that your vacant seat could turn into a plot device for a very pleasant Diane Lane movie. I agree with you that couples who
board the bus late should not expect you to move. But rather than penalize a tour operator for asking you to do something many people would be happy to do, you should state your case to the operator when you board the bus.
Write to Amy Dickinson at
askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611. © 2010 by the Chicago Tribune
Distributed by Tribune Media Services ‘The Chosen Baby,’
ARIES (March 21-April 19) You’ll be a teacher, but you’re not
just showing others howto do something. You’re also showing them howto teach others howto do it. So the bit of instruction you impartwill have an amazing ripple effect.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) It isn’t always prettywhen justice is
served, but things certainly feelmore right afterward.Once the rewards and punishments have been distributed, everyone can get a clean start.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21) Even a social creature like you feels
like chilling out at home alone once in a
while.This is the perfect day for going into your own privateworldwithout feeling the need to explain yourself or even to communicatewith anyone else.
CANCER(June 22-July 22) You have a deepwell of health and
happiness inside you.But if the bucket springs a leak or the rope breaks, you won’t be able to dip into thatwell. Maintain your relationshipswith care. They are the bucket and the rope.
LEO(July 23-Aug. 22) Youmay be generouswhen you
speculate aboutwhat your loved ones are capable of doing, but youwon’t be
TODAY’S HOROSCOPE Holiday Mathis
faulted for that!Anyway,when you state that something is possible, you are almost always right.
VIRGO(Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Usually,when you treat others right
theywill treat you right, too. Unfortunately, the scale of right and wrong is notmade up of a standardized systemofmeasurement.Everyone thinks of this differently.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Relationships push you to places
you can’t go
alone.And though it’s not always comfortable or fun to be there, it’s important to keep developing yourself in thisway throughout your entire life.
SCORPIO(Oct. 24-Nov. 21) Just because someone has a good
idea doesn’tmean it’s a good idea for you,
too.Bewary of signing up for new responsibilities, services or credit. Weigh your options for a fewmore days.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You don’t have to have an
occupation to be of use to theworld, but it certainly helps! You’ll be thinking about a job change and figuring outwhat skills you need to move in a newdirection.
CUL DE SAC Richard Thompson
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Though your loved ones depend on
your strength, it’s your softness that will endear you to someone’s heart today. You do handle the fragile ones with great tenderness.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Wherever there is an improvement
to bemade, you are helpful, even if you are not directly responsible or even involved. You radiate good energy toward thosewho are learning, growing and healing.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Karmawill come full
circle.Do not
fear that the reckoningwill be terrible, unless you’ve done somethingwrong. This should actually be very pleasant, especially if your past deeds have been good.
IFDEC. 12 IS YOURBIRTHDAY: You’ll break newground this year.
The adventure beginswhen you seize an offbeat opportunity nextmonth.A good relationship gets even closer in
February.March brings financial risk and reward. You’re able to do somethingwonderful for themother figure in your life
inMay.Travel is favored inOctober. Pisces andGemini people adore you. © 2010,
Creators.com
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100 |
Page 101 |
Page 102 |
Page 103 |
Page 104 |
Page 105 |
Page 106 |
Page 107 |
Page 108 |
Page 109 |
Page 110 |
Page 111 |
Page 112 |
Page 113 |
Page 114 |
Page 115 |
Page 116 |
Page 117 |
Page 118 |
Page 119 |
Page 120 |
Page 121 |
Page 122 |
Page 123 |
Page 124 |
Page 125 |
Page 126 |
Page 127 |
Page 128 |
Page 129 |
Page 130 |
Page 131 |
Page 132 |
Page 133 |
Page 134 |
Page 135 |
Page 136 |
Page 137 |
Page 138 |
Page 139 |
Page 140 |
Page 141 |
Page 142 |
Page 143 |
Page 144 |
Page 145 |
Page 146 |
Page 147 |
Page 148 |
Page 149 |
Page 150 |
Page 151 |
Page 152 |
Page 153 |
Page 154 |
Page 155 |
Page 156 |
Page 157 |
Page 158 |
Page 159 |
Page 160 |
Page 161 |
Page 162 |
Page 163 |
Page 164 |
Page 165 |
Page 166 |
Page 167 |
Page 168 |
Page 169 |
Page 170 |
Page 171 |
Page 172 |
Page 173 |
Page 174 |
Page 175 |
Page 176