UNIT 4 Environment
Sample paragraph
Conflicts over water are, however, nothing new. Nearly 5,000 years ago, the King of Lagash, a fertile town located between the Tigris and the Euphrates, became concerned about his city’s water security. As a result, he built canals around his territory, which resulted in a gradual reduction of water flowing to Umma (modern-day Iraq). Something similar has been happening in present-day China, which has been damming the Mekong River. The effects are not only felt in China, but in Myanmar, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam. In the Nile region, Ethiopia has indicated that it might build a hydropower facility on the Nile. This is something that no country downstream (especially Egypt) would accept lightly.
Comments 1. There are many different sentence types in this paragraph, which makes for a good balance.
2. There are some linking phrases which are used which show the relationship between sentences, e.g., as such in the third sentence to show a result, and something similar at the beginning of the fourth sentence to make a comparison.
3. The first sentence shows the ‘old’ before ‘new’ principle clearly. The reader already understands what ‘water conflicts’ are. The text then goes on to explain this. The author then talks generally about the town of Lagash (the ‘topic’), before going on to explain about the canals there (the ‘comment’).
4. An appropriate style is used throughout – no contractions, informalities or two-word verbs are used.
5. The style is tight and concise, meaning that no unnecessary words are used. The use of every word can be justified.
Part 6: Checking your understanding
Task 9: A student has written the following sentences about water overuse. Rewrite it using the advice provided in Task 8.
You can see that water overuse is damaging the environment in lots of really, really important river basins. Regions heavily dependent on agriculture which uses irrigation, such as the Indo-Gangetic Plain in South Asia, tend to be the places where there’s big overuse. Big overuse is occurring in areas undergoing rapid industrial development. It is a true fact that millions of people in water- stressed areas are now having problems with day-to-day life.
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