THE WEIRS TIMES & THE COCHECO TIMES, Thursday, May 26, 2011


23


peace with how to address the astoundingly different world of war. Grandpa apparently did


by Dr. Debi Warner Contributing Writer


Dear Dr. Debi, We were tearing out an


eye knee wall and found a whole bundle of old med- als and citations, letters, and even some brass but- tons. We never knew what grandpa did in the War, because he brushed off all talk. We figured noth- ing till we saw all this. He built the house and now he’s gone and we have so many questions. What’s the deal? Signed,


Baffled by Bravery


Dear Silent Story, It is amazing what hap-


pens when you open a wall in an old house. It is actually pretty com- mon to find things that were tucked away. Often papers, poems, and es- pecially letters that were hidden from prying eyes of a large family in close quarters. So what’s with your Grandpa’s story? Why would a decorated veteran shy from being noticed? Well, we know the wall tells a story. You can imagine that


somehow he spent time in that quiet space up- stairs. He had his bundle of memories, mementos and a written witnesses to a very different world than he lived in your sight. While plenty other veter- ans acknowledged their life-changing experiences in gatherings, his was a quiet memorial. Each vet- eran must find his own


not throw away his memo- ries, but assembled them for a very private purpose. We may never know how he felt, since he did not talk. But the letters can give you a peek like a camera in his life. Too bad he cannot answer your questions, but he seems to have preferred it that way.


Many veterans feel that


place to be so different that it must be kept sepa- rate. It may not fit with the rules of ordinary liv- ing and doings. It doesn’t mean shame, but mostly an inexplicably different world. To talk about it to a civilian means you need to describe things you would rather not say, and then be stuck with explaining the ways of war that most fancy writers cannot put words to. And then there are the feelings – well most folks rather shove those away too. There is a reverence to opening that private wall and bring daylight to his world that was closed for so long. You are called to be quiet, to look and absorb. If you pray, do that. You have unlocked a secret space and it is not yours. You can whisper


in respect to his intent for his concealed harbor. While you are there, you


can look at the wood, the studs and lathing. See the wear and you can guess how often he accessed the space. Were the edges of the boards worn as the wall was repeatedly opened for review? Or was it perhaps a single cer- emonial collection point that served to purge his home life of the presence of the event? We know it was some


sort of honoring he was trying to do, because if he didn’t care, he would have just thrown the things away. But instead he as- sembled the commemora- tions that were handed to him, along with the con- nected memories he had with others at that time, his letters, and the official labels of those events, all in that little cache fortified behind that knee wall. We love our walls; they


keep things out and pro- vide a controlled world within. He went on to construct a lasting house and a family life for all your generations. He ac- complished quite a lot. You might do well to ex- amine the walls for more… The care of construction and the methods of the time give you a real clue about how folks poured


STEP IN-NOT OVER


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concentration and effort into the things they built. Just as he hid a foreign world behind the plaster, he also made a new man of himself and showed that in his house. The proud dimension-


al framing, the evenly spaced lathing, even the properly hung doors, all reveal a picture of stability and sturdiness he wanted your new world to have. Look at the humble win- dows placed so evenly in those upper rooms. Their cost did not exceed his means and showed how content he was to live in the circumstances he found on his safe return home. You can see the trim


work evenly placed, gar- nished with a simple con- tour or a beaded board; all proclaim as defining


strokes that his house meant real peace, not a slapped together shanty for shelter in chaos. A new world was formed, board by board as his hands wrought a careful place for his very own loved ones, not those strang- ers in a distant land. He would pour the remaining years of his life under this roof. One of the interesting


things about people is that you really can’t tell from the outside what their whole story may be. A lesson – you can learn to trust folks to choose the parts they want to share and figure there may be real good reasons under- neath for stuff you really don’t understand. Happy Home Team! Dr. Debi


Dr. Debi Warner is the Founder of Renovation Psychology® and


author of Putting the Home Team to Work, available now online. Dr. Debi provides advice for greater domestic harmony to folks who are renovating their home – for True Home Improvement. This column is offered for enjoyment and enhancement and is not intended to replace your personal medical care. Photo by Bob Jenks, St. Johnsbury, Vt. Dr. Debi has a con- sultation practice, visiting home sites all over New England from her studio in Littleton, NH at the Tannery Marketplace. © 2009 Renovation Psychology® Questions are welcome.


Visit www.RenovationPsychology.com


For Brochure please call or visit Joe and Kathy Sales LLC 1-603-224-9447 - www.joeandkathysales.com


References include: many private homes, housing authorities, Retirement communities, VA, and more.


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