by Rob Hiaasen • illustRations by asaf Hanuka


By summer’s end, the U.S. Census Bureau will have largely ceased infiltrating our per- sonal lives. Every 10 years, our constitutional rights are stampeded just so the “federal government” can take a head count before doling out billions of dollars to communities for hospitals, senior centers, schools and emergency services. While they’re at it, why not throw in a couple of million for a cleanup hitter for the Baltimore Orioles? But I guess that’s not as “essential” as building new schools or hospitals. ¶ Because there’s no end to governmental mischief, I went snooping around the Census Bureau Web site. I discov- ered that the government keeps tabs on married folk, as if we don’t have enough issues. A 2004 Census Bureau survey reported that the percentage of men and women who reach their fifth wedding anniversary is 82 percent; 53 percent make it 15 years; and 33 percent of people hit the 25-year mark. But what the Census Bureau doesn’t explicitly say is that this “33 percent club” represents the absolute finest Americans in America. ¶ Coin- cidentally, I just celebrated my 25th wedding


A husband offers a self-evaluation on how well he’s holding up his end of the bargain


reform act


Spouse august 1, 2010 | The WashingTon PosT Magazine 23


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