Your Legal Magazine
Page 10
Female Focus
Last month Father's day was celebrated and the most popular gift around the world is still the necktie.
On the yellow brick road in Benidorm is a trick shop up on the left. I went there to ask the bloke if he would create simple lettering and logo for my van as I knew he had a machine printer in the back. Whilst in the shop the child in me, which hopefully still exists regardless of the complaints from females about men still being boys, awoke and I couldn't resist spending a euro or two on an exploding black pen. In fact I took two, popped them in my top pocket and walked out the shop with the owner, who had a writing pad and tape measure in hand.
We agreed on the measurements and content etc, he had a problem shaking his biro and it was clear he had run out of ink with his look of “do you have a pen?” I'm fast to hand him one of his exploding kind. He didn't twig. Pulled off the top and nearly had a coronary as it exploded in his face, which changed from false laughter to embarrassment for falling for his own product. Didn't help that he had to watch my 'opo', take a knee screaming with laughter. He asked us not to mention it to his wife - yes mate, that's happening! The poor woman looked like she could do with a laugh, stuck in a shop stocked with things only adolescent males in their forties find amusing because they remind them of their childhoods. “Never get high on your own supply,” she said, wagging a playful finger. All wasn't well and I sensed the man didn't like me after that to the degree if we had Facebook I would have been de-friended. I was told by my 'opo', who was still chuntering, it was because I slagged off his tie. I merely asked did it do any tricks. “What!” he said, sharply. I replied “your clown tie”. He said this was a gift from his wife - their thirtieth wedding anniversary - oops! It's funny that normally people, out of respect, will keep their opinions inside but when it comes to ties it's like open season, no problem - just hate away. Ties are actually quite personal – if someone laughs at my tie I'm not happy and quite concerned they are having a go. I see a tie I like and I'll spin it into a
full Windsor regardless of what I'm wearing.
Most suits in the business sector
are variations of
blues and greys on blokes walking around with different coloured ties. In the book 'How to dress for success' (my copy is from 1996) a red tie or a tie with red in it is positive, yet some people in the sales industry cringe at a red tie for screaming, 'stop do not enter, do not go'. Ties do seem pointless as they don't really do anything. If you spill chicken fried rice down your front you can't just leave it there because that is what your tie was for, to save your shirt. This obvious sexist phallic-arrow pointing down towards, what my mother would refer to as Mr. Peaslin, is collected by Grabatologists. The tie industry suffered a ten percent drop in sales due to casual Friday - incidentally so did the
wearing of underwear.
Not sure if going commando counts as casual, keep the tie on - lose the trolleys?
I remember a friend using a tie to his advantage on site in a cabin with a couple of suits from Railtrack. This was an important project meeting and my site manager, Shaun, hadn't turned up. Strange because punctuality was one of his credits, that and his sense of humour. Five minutes into the meeting Shaun rushed in apologising
in his Dublin brogue for being late, and showed everyone his arm. He had a frayed tie around his wrist in a million knots. He said he had gone out last night, met a girl and when he woke up this morning found she had tied him to the bed with two of his best silk ties. He had chewed through them, his ties not his arms! She didn't even leave a number, he added. We laughed at his chutzpah, the ice was broken, the meeting went well and Shaun learned a lesson about underperformance – you know for being late!
Mark Shearman has been living on the Costa years
Blanca his blog is Sherm
for 14 Donor
http://shermdonor.blogspot.com.es/ where you can find his latest novel Flip Flop Flamenco.
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