IN THE WORKPLACE
Time to PACK THE BAGS… S
by Sergeant Alex Ford
o. There we go then. I'd applied for the Armed Forces Redundancy Scheme and been selected. After 25 years, I felt it was time for a change.
I am, and always will be terribly proud of being a member of the Royal Air Force, but we all move on, we all grow, we all change. And since I got back from Afghan I had felt I changed and that I wanted more and different experiences.
I want a bit of control over my life you see. The one thing you do give up when you join the Armed Forces is that control over your life – where you live, what job you will be
doing...and that had become too much for me.
To be honest, despite the brave face, it's been a difficult eight months since I got back from Afghan. I initially found it easy settling back in to the swing of things, but soon a strange feeling of anger hit me. I had trouble dealing with stressy situations – not big dramatic moments – just the day-to-day niggely stresses. I struggled. My family struggled. I made others around me struggle.
And then. A phone call to see the Wing Commander. A tense minute or two and then him saying, ‘You HAVE been selected for redundancy...’ followed by me saying 'YES!’ a little too
loudly...and then a nice long chat and me leaving his office with a thick envelope and a lot to do.
Things got tough and it sort of came to a head in early May when I found myself becoming very frustrated and then having angry outbursts. This would be a total overreaction to whatever the person had done – usually Lily, my three year old daughter, Therese my wife or Mahsa my dog. I would launch into a stream of verbal anger reducing the first two to tears and the puppy to a quaking wreck.
It wasn't fair on any of them. Lily was just doing as three year olds do. Mahsa just a puppy! Therese, just trying to help. I'd then feel bad for them and bad for me and this would become the cycle
...Frustration – Anger – Guilt – Depression. I would end up depressed, low, moody and miserable.
I eventually grasped the nettle and booked myself in to see the doc who has been, I have to say, bl**dy amazing. Absolutely brilliant. I've seen the Community Psychiatric Nurse over at the Mental Health centre at Brize and I've had a really good start at getting me back in my own mind and getting myself back in order. And I think that this all fits back to that lack of control. I want to choose.
I am not going to turn this into a moan about life in the military, because it has been bl**dy brilliant...but costs vs
benefits...it just didn't even out for me anymore. So when the opportunity to leave, as part of the redundancy scheme, came up, I grasped THAT nettle too.
34 Envoy Summer 2012
And... Not quite a weight lifted off...but certainly a clear vision of the route forward. I really have no idea what job I am going to do when I leave the RAF – just in time for Christmas – and I (we) have a lot to do...but
now...it's in MY hands. I have a bit of control over where we settle; What house we buy; What job I look for; What work I do. I will be leaving with a pension, and a handsome pay out that will help get a sizeable chunk of a mortgage if I live in the right
place...and with Therese leaving the Army in October...we are going to be all right.
We are lucky. I am lucky. I have had 25 years doing some bl**dy ace stuff. Going to the first Gulf War; working on Tornado F3; fixing high tech top end radar; being on a Trials and Development team bringing a new Electonic warfare equipment into service; instructing the future of the RAF; trying to make this bit at Benson more efficient; flying in a Puma; watching Tornados air-to-air refuel from the aircraft; flying in an F3 over the North Sea; going to Afghan and seeing and doing ALL THAT; making a difference; visiting the USA, Canada, Bermuda, Germany, Portugal, Belgium, Italy, Cyprus, Spain, France, Saudi, Afghanistan; working with some of the very best people in the world. Doing amazing things.
Yes, I am very lucky and whilst I will miss it sooooooo much, it is time to move on because all those things I have done. I can't do them again...I can't go back to them. I can revisit them and remember them and enjoy them, but we must look to the future and what we have to do next. What I have to do next.
I will miss it all, and most of all miss the people and the belonging to something bigger and better and special. And whilst I'll be around in the RAF for a bit longer it is time for me to leave. Per Ardua Ad Astra.
www.raf-ff.org.uk
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