donned sunglasses to cope with the gleam from my floors, the next activity is to go outdoors for a long walk or run – or anything that involves fresh air and a raised heartbeat. Exercise is known to raise endorphin levels, a chemical released from the brain which interacts with receptors to reduce our feeling of pain and in addition leads to feelings of euphoria.
If you have a hectic schedule with work or family life this may be difficult to fit in, but I think it important to manage to take some time for yourself and incorporate some sort of activity that will help lower stress levels. It’s not only a 100 metre sprint that gives the endorphin rush. There are a lot of non-athletic activities that also raise endorphins and keep stress levels down, for example, yoga and meditation, which can even be done at home with a DVD. Acupuncture is also thought to help. My last resort is chocolate, which when eaten also releases the feel-good hormones, but of course, as with anything that tastes devilishly delicious, this should only be eaten in moderation…
Ask for help when needed and accept help when offered Rather than thinking you have to do everything on your own I have learned to take the support that is offered. The military places emphasis on welfare and even though it may get slated from time to time, there are numerous branches there in support. There are family welfare officers, paid to provide support to ‘detached’ families. So rather than stressing about coping alone, I would use the support mechanisms that have been designed especially for this situation.
www.raf-ff.org.uk
The local HIVE or SSAFA Forces Help seem good places to start.
Beat the Blues with Blueys Not only do letters mean a great deal to loved ones in theatre, they can also provide a cathartic therapy for us left at home. Writing regular old fashioned blueys or using the quick e-bluey system keeps you in touch. They can also be used as a diary and help you go through emotions and thoughts. Receiving blueys from theatre is a maximum high and while everyone has their own ritual in reading blueys, the nice thing I find is you can read it over and over (and over!) again and feel that bit closer to your partner. They are great to keep as well – I try to remember to keep them in order in a file box because they are a great keepsake and one to show to children or grandchildren (once screened!)
Set a goal
Lose weight, get fit, run a 10K race or further, learn a language – anything that will take about the same time as the deployment – are also things I’ve considered. I count down the days but this can seem forever sometimes so for me having a personal goal that is totally unrelated to missing my husband provides a more positive focus on the deployment. It is also something that will be centred on me – and a bit of ‘me time’ is never wasted!
Countdown Rituals
A friend whose husband is in the Army has a great way to help her children to cope with the detachment. She provides each child with a jar of M&M’s and she and her children count out M&M’s equal to the number of
days her husband is away. Each day the children are allowed to eat one M&M and as the jar gets less and less, they know Daddy is one M&M closer to being home. However, this ritual only works well if you have a galactic amount of willpower and have children who could stop at just one M&M, neither of which I possess.
Another option is, rather than simply counting the total number of days until the end of deployment, is counting the number of particular days, such as Sunday lie-ins, or days until R&R, which will of course makes the time seem shorter.
Often in theatre, personnel develop their own ‘chuff charts’, a ritual that has been around for decades and helped thousands of Servicemen and women count down the days, hours and minutes. The advent of ‘deluxe’ chuff charts include amount of extra money earned and number of paid holiday days accumulated. We all know, however, that in reality the extra money earned is normally spent by the time deployed personnel return home meaning that accumulated days is spent at home rather than on the white sandy beach in the Caribbean envisaged...
So when the dreaded ‘six-monther’ comes along (again), I am ready to (try to) remember that there are ways to cope. The key for me is to recognise and address the feelings invoked during the deployment and to do my best to make sure it doesn’t entirely consume my life. Of course, keeping a small tub of Ben and Jerry chilling in the freezer also helps.
Envoy Summer 2012 27
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