DELMER & CECIL DELMER AND CECIL How to get the chicks Gidday, tout la gang (thought I’d throw some French in, in case I try for a government job)!
Delmer had a memorable week in February. Film footage has surfaced involving him and a love interest dating from 1976. I can’t describe it because of discretion, but all I can say is it put me off lambchops for awhile. Now let’s get to some of the mail that’s
been pouring in. Here’s one from Dudley Weiner over in
Sarsfield. “You guys seem to get all the chicks.
What’s your secret?”
Answer: Always get up nice and early and have a good hearty breakfast (chasin’ women is hard work). Brush your hair and clip your toenails (women are fussy like that). Learn some big words so they’ll think you’re educated. Here’s some good words that always
seem to work: mantelpiece, marmalade, pander (it’s a type of bear) and porcupine. Here’s some recommended conversation
starters: My, you’re lookin’ really feminine this evening. (Make sure it’s a girl. I got fooled in downtown Ottawa last week.) Or how about: Didn’t I see you at the
Governor General’s Ball in January? That gets ‘em everytime. Now here’s some pitfalls to stay away
from: o Nice dress, where the hell did ya find
that size? o Nice hairdo, don’t worry -- that
style’ll come back. o Have ya considered liposuction? Always dance with the one ya came with
(except at the movies). If at first you don’t succeed, try,
try again! It took Delmer 26 years but 40 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
he’s finally cookin’ (since he got indoor plumbing). I was sitting around with a few of the
lads the other day and we started talking about the old days, and after a few polite beverages we suddenly realized that an entire way of life has almost disappeared. Where have all the taverns gone?? Do you remember the Alex, the Gilmore, the Albion, the Windsor, the Bytown, the Claude, the Vendome, the Maple Leaf, the Rochester, the Raceway, the Grads, the Ritz, the Belle Claire, the Sterling, the Capital (two different ones), the Commercial, the Richelieu, the Grand, the Duke and a whole bunch more? Over in Hull there were tons of them:
the LaSalle, the Laval, the Texas, the Interprovincial, the Bel Ami, the Circus Lounge, the St Louis, the Wellington, the Manoir Des Rapides, the Chez Henri, the Rendezvous, the Deschenes, the Aylmer, the Chamberlain, the Ottawa House, the Glenlea, the Chaud (both Rose and Green room),the Standish Hall and other inter- generational legends. I know it’s the drinking-and-driving
thing, but it makes me feel nostalgic for days gone by. The country is in the same boat. Some towns don’t have a watering hole at all and those few that are left are just hanging on by their fingernails. How many remember piling into a jalopy
and heading to Ogdensburg or Massena where the drinking age was eighteen? Times change, and it’s not always progress. Have a cold one, and we’ll see you in the
next issue. Delmer & Cecil
www.bounder.ca
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