Proposed Cuts to the National Health Service. The British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David Cameron’s health care proposals. The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash decisions. The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception. Opthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted. Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Paediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!” The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Ear Nose & Throat specialists didn’t swallow it, and just wouldn’t hear of it, and one said he nose it won’t work. The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter…..” The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were p*ssed off at the whole idea. The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the *rseholes in London…
After watching a real naked chef on telly last week, (he did have his pinny on,) my boyfriend says he’s going to do the same on pancake Tuesday. I think he’s flipped.
Named after days 'I called my son David,' said the Welshman, 'because he was born on St David's day.' 'Ay and I called my son Andrew,' added the Scot, 'because he was born on St Andrew's day.'
'Yes,' said Murphy. 'I did the same with my son Pancake!' What is a calorie ?
Calories are the little crea- tures that get into your wardrobe at night and sew
your clothes tighter. The wife says her wardrobe’s infested with the little b*ggers
I went for a check up last week and the doctor asked me some questions to test my memory and mental agili- ty. He asked me,
“ 9. Eric Clapton.
What’s the opposite of de- pression ?” I said, “ Happi- ness.” He then asked me, “What’s the opposite of Woe?” I said, “ Giddy—up.”
March sees the opening of the Trout season and a chance to reflect on how difficult it must be for some people to survive by catching fish. It also reminds us of the fishing story about Paddy who had just dug a hole in the ice and was about to drop in his line when a voice boomed out “There’s no fish in there.” Paddy was quite shocked and wondered how on earth someone could know that. He was about to drop his line in again when the voice boomed out once more, “There’s no fish in there.” Paddy was stunned at what he thought was divine intervention and shouted out, “Is that you God.” The voice boomed back, “No this is the manager of the ice skating rink.”
22.
New Eskimo Lottery We are also pleased to report that the Eskimos have now got their own weekly lottery. You’ve got to be inuit to winuit.
Don’t sit at home bored come and hit some balls Open 7 Days & Nights regardless of weather
Free Golf Lessons for juniors on Saturday Mornings Please ring for details: 01254 884222
www.lee-valley.co.uk
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