7. 1970.
Leg before Wicket, by local writer Colin Goodwin now available, price £6.99
TALES FROM THE HARDWARE STORE As you might expect we were again provided with some very interesting topics of conversation in The Hardware Store, last month. With both my parent’s being from coal mining families, I was particularly interested to hear from one of our lovely customers, who told me about a group of out of work, and no doubt starving, Tin miners from Cornwall, enticed by the Pit owners to come and work at Hapton Valley Pit. The Pit owners promised them a good standard of living in return for their hard work, but unbeknown to the Cornish miners (no television or internet for information in those days) the Hapton Valley miners were out on strike over pay and working conditions and so understandably didn’t take too kindly to these ‘foreigners’ coming up and breaking their strike. Inevitably, there was bad feeling and fighting ensued. It must have been a very difficult time for families on both sides. It’s hard to believe that all this was taking place here on our doorsteps just over 100 years ago. It certainly puts into perspective any problems or issues we may be facing in 2011; obesity? anti-social behaviour? …no way, our ancestors didn’t have time for any of that, as they were too busy working just to survive! I wonder how they would have reacted if they’d been told that in the future ‘idiots’ would be paid millions of pounds to talk on TV about football matches, before they start, at half-time and then again at full-time? …..you couldn’t make it up. BREAKING NEWS! Wilomena has finally arrived! We’ve had 2 years of ‘indecision’ but I am so pleased to tell you that she is here and she is fantastic! Wilomena is of course, Wilomena the Woodburner who we have been deliberating over for months and months. (Anything significant in our family has to have a name, my car is Heidi Honda) So thank you to all those customers who have kindly emailed their own ‘before and after’ woodburner pictures to me by way of their encouragement. Although we already have an open fire in our front room, we’d hesitated about having a woodburner in the back room, because until you start knocking the chimney breast through, it’s difficult to imagine how big the space will be and whether the chosen woodburner will look in proportion to the rest of the room. Its easy to make an expensive mistake isn’t it… the settee in the front room seemed like a good idea when we bought it, but once it was delivered I knew it wasn’t right but its still there after 14 years and I’ve had to learn to love it, and the ‘new’ kitchen is now 8 years old but to be honest our original one was of far better quality. I know there are some ladies who manage to persuade their husbands to change things more frequently but it doesn’t work like that in our house. So all these thoughts had been buzzing through my mind and it seemed easier to do nothing rather than make a mistake. Well as I mentioned a few columns ago, 2011 was to be the year we did something about it, and to be honest it was a breeze….everything went perfectly, and I am absolutely over the moon with Wilomena, who incidentally was made locally in Barnoldswick which makes her even more special. A big, big thank you to Stephen and Stephen of S Dewhurst Plumbing, Heating & Fireplaces (01282 435148) – who listened to what I wanted, provided sound advice and then just got on with the job. Brilliant! Please note, The Hardware Store will be closed for one day on Saturday 5th March as we once again attend the World Speedway Riders Association Annual Dinner/Dance, in Leicester. I’m looking forward to catching up with my friend ‘Nomeo’ who I haven’t seen since last September, after flying back from LA. She’s spent the winter in Thailand (all right for some!) so I’m sure will have lots of stories to tell. If you hear any stories that we are closed because we have won the lottery, (interestingly such stories seem to start next door at Tony’s Cooked Meats!) please just ignore them. If we ever did win the lottery I can assure you the shop would still be open! Honest! Have a fabulous March 2011, it won’t come round again. Carol Broadbelt. The Hardware Store.
Caught poaching 'Caught you!' said Policeman Muldoon. 'Poaching in the river is a serious offence. I must ask you to accompany me to the station.' Halfway out of the wood the poacher pulled up in
his tracks. 'Begad,' said he, 'haven't I left me jacket by the water's edge. I'll have to go back and get it!' 'No way,' said Muldoon. 'If I let you go back you'll run off. I've got a better idea. You wait here and I'll go back for the coat!
A young priest arrives at the monas- t e r y . H e i s a s s i g n e d t o helping the other priest in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the p r i e s t s a r e c o p y i n g f r om copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new priest goes to the Bishop to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The Bishop says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old Bishop.
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So, the young priest gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, 'We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R! For hundreds of years we’ve missed the R!' His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young priest asks the old Bishop, 'What's wrong, father?' With a choking voice, the old Bishop replies, 'The word was… 'CELEBRATE'!!!
21.
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