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Harold & Ethel Harold: I met old Tom in the Pigeon club this afternoon, he said he’d lost his wife. Ethel: That was careless, where did he lose her ? Harold: No, she died. Ethel: Oh dear, what happened ? Harold: He sent her into the garden to pick a cabbage for his tea, but she collapsed and died. Ethel: That’s terrible, what did he do ? Harold: He had to open a tin of peas.


Relax in supreme Comfort.


Is this the best joke of the year ??? Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. He’s fallen asleep at the bar and start- ed snoring. Mick, the


bar-


tender wakes him gently and says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite, Shoite, he exclaims !' He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just make it to the door and get some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air. He feels much better, steps out onto the pavement, and falls flat on his face. 'Bi'Jesus Begorra Begosh' he says. (He actually said something a lot worse but we’ve had to clean this one up a bit.) He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He manages to crawl up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. Shoite, shoite, shoite, he says and climbs into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?' Paddy says, 'Oi did, Jess. Oi tink Oi over did it a bit. But how'd you know?' 'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'


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Yesterday I was having some work done at the local garage. A woman came in and asked for a seven hundred and ten. We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What’s a seven hundred and ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It’s always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !! He then took her over to another car which had the bonnet up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there." Turn the page to see why the mechanic collapsed.


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01254 888292 One Stop Cash Shop, 39 Queen Street, Great Harwood, BB6 7QP 3.


1.B i l l y J Kr a m


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