Desert Island Blues
A typical bloke, having split from his latest girl- friend, decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. That is, until the ship sank, He found himself on an island with no other peo- ple, no supplies, nothing , only bananas and coco- nuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to zzthe shore, In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this thing?" ex- plains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw materi- als I found on the is- land. The oars were whit- tled from gum tree branches. I wove the bot- tom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, where did you get the tools?" "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very un-
usual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain tempera- ture in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up
the rowboat with an ex- pertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?" "No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take an- other drop of coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his contin- ued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman an- nounces, "I'm going to slip
into something more com- fortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end in- side a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she
greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically posi- tioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've obviously- been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?"
She stares into his eyes. He swallows excitedly and
tears start to form in his eyes.....
―Stone me
don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?"
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