spotlight
Only Room for One over
The
wor
ld thirsts
for
fear
less
new
leadership
. Yes
, w
e’v
e finally
got
Presiden
t Obama
and
Adam
Lamber
t to
look
up
to,
but
we
need
someone
with
fier
y wits
and
a tongue
to ma
tch—someone
who
will
take
the
sta
tus
quo
, smack
it ar
ound
and
bend
it
at the
Long
Beach
Con
ven
tion
Cen
ter
. Ha
ving
already
seen
her
“W
oah,
she
wen
t ther
e!”
her
knee
. M
ay
I in
troduc
e the
aw
e-inspir
ing
“queen
of mean,
” Lisa
Lampanelli.
Look
for
war
d t
o seeing
her
latest
standup
on
Frida
y, June
12th
at Spr
eckels
Thea
tre
and
Satur
day
, June
13th
’t help
but
sit ther
e with
my
mouth
hang
ing
open
think
ing
,
insult
comedy
in ac
tion
on
HBO
, I c
ouldn
Sweatin’ the Dirty Details with
by da
vid v
era
Lisa Lampanelli
and
a rope
in fr
ont
of it
and
sho
w it
off
to people!
It is
so pr
etty!
He
has
the
for
a whole
diff
eren
t
thank
god
tha
t I’m
not
codependen
t an
ymor
e…
most
beautiful
hear
t. And
List
en,
you
had
your
mouth
open
Lisa
Lampanelli:
or else
I’d be
calling
him
righ
t no
w and
ask
ing
, “W
ho ar
e you
f@&%ing?”
faggots
…unless
you
hav
e something
in y
our
ass
or
reason.
You
freak
in’ ou wa
tched
me
and
your
mouth,
you
ain’
t happ
y! A
fter
you
swallo
wed
, y
RAGE:
Nice!
Wha
t else
can
you
tell
us about
him?
t to
just
say
, “Oh
my
god
, you
you
wer
e still
in a
we!
LL:
…Big
…balls!
I was
hor
rified!
I didn
’t w
an
hav
e huge
f@&%ing
balls
, dude
.” But
the
nex
t da
y he
made
a joke
about
RAGE:
Nice
. Ho
w long
did it
take
you
to find
that
edge
of yours?
them,
and
I said
, “Oh
thank
god
, you
KNOW
you
hav
e enor
mous
nuts!”
It
LL:
I ha
ve been
doing
this
for
17 y
ears
and
, you
kno
w wha
t goddamn
it,
looks
like
the
airbag
wen
t off
in his
cock
. Ho
war
d St
ern
named
him
Jimm
y
my
feet
are
star
ting
to hur
t! I f
ound
my
voic
e, as
it w
ere
, about
sev
en y
ears
Bigballs
and
so no
w he
’s ver
y happ
y. A
nd he
’s whit
e! C
an y
ou believ
e tha
t? I
in. Y
ou can
’t really
star
t off
the
bat
saying
, “Hey
nigger!”
You
’ve
got
to w
arm
bagged
a whit
ey!
I was
like
, “Ok
ay, he
is not
the
righ
t color
, but
I lov
e him.
up t
o wher
e you
’re lo
veable
to do
tha
t.
RAGE:
Will
he be
accompan
ying
you
on y
our
tours
and
appearances?
RAGE:
It sounds
like
you
’re ha
ving
a blast
doing
comed
y.
LL: W
ell,
he does
wor
k…which
is w
eird
because
I’m
used
to da
ting
black
LL:
Ser
iously
, I’m
so in
love
with
this
guy
righ
t no
w. But
bef
ore
tha
t, I
was
doing
comedy
. No
w I’
m m
yself
in
guy
s. He
doesn
’t really
tour
with
me
.
was
only
100
per
cen
t m
yself
when
I
the
sack! RAGE: Wha
t are
some
things
that
you
look
forw
ard
to e
very
time
you
’re about
to go
onstage?
RAGE:
So y
ou ha
ve a
new
mist
er, it
seems?
LL: W
ell,
I used
to look
forw
ard
to bang
ing
a black
guy
after
war
d. But
now
look
forw
ard
to is
calling
people
names!
Because
LL:
Oh
(sw
oon),
he’s
so f@&%in
’ cut
e! He
’s the
one
. We
wen
t on
to Ho
war
d
. They
don
’t come
tha
t I can
’t do
tha
t, wha
t I
ome
to be
called
Ster
n on
Monda
y and
announc
ed tha
t we
wer
e a
couple
. He
’s ser
iously
the
really
, they
come
to the
sho
w and
this
is wha
t they
wan
t
otton
balls
and
Q-tips
, they
c
kindest
person
I’ve
ever
met
in m
y lif
e. A
nd luck
ily, he
has
a per
fect
penis!
It’s
how
you
homose
xuals
enjo
y the
penis?
for
obser
vational
s#!t
about
c
f@&%ing
per
fect
, dude!
You
kno
w
Well
, this
thing
is the
Brad
Pitt
of penises
. I should
put
a little
velv
et cur
tain
52 RAGE monthly | June 2009
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