living positive by paul montero
It’s Time Out for You, Mister!
feedback?
livingpositive@ragemonthly.com
Everyone has a past. Even if it was brief enough to fit on a flashcard or too private Idaho is not without its outside challenges. Beware of socially-backward
twisted for color TV, your record of shenanigans has been etched in stone. Deny clichés—most of all, the offensively judgmental gay man. Is there any stereotype
it if you must, but our sexual history inevitably shapes who we are, and it’s at least more damaging than a catty mo with nothing constructive to say? Holding out
partially responsible for our current condition—no matter what condition that for the right guy? Then you’re a glacial prude! Admit to enjoying sex, and you’re a
may be. By no means should our past arouse guilt or shame, however. We’re living raging slut! You can’t win with these guys! I say give it a rest! Call me a hedonist—
beings with primal urges to satisfy. There’s no inherent shame in being true to or whatever word a holier-than-thou attitude can coin—but I revere specimens
our basic nature. So why do we put on the blushing bride façade when asked of greater experience for the simple fact that it tends to equate to superior skill!
about our previous partners? Why do some of us look back on wild nights with Besides, the more hang-ups you have, the more you’re cutting down your own
regret when we know for a fact we had the time of our lives? Why do we become dating pool. What’s the point of having “high standards” when no one around you
intimidated when our partners have more notches on their bedposts than they meets them? You’d think by now that our community would have grasped the
have candles on their birthday cake? And for goodness’ sake, why do many HIV- self-defeating nature of its snootiness regarding HIV. Nevertheless the cattiness
positive men feel they’ve lost the right to enjoy physical pleasure? As if our status ensues—to a lesser degree since the H1N1 scare, of course.
condemns us to a penalty box of celibacy. Do yourself a favor. Whether you happen to be HIV-positive, negative, unsure
How many times must it be repeated? Sex is not dirty! …Well, at least not in or indifferent, think about how many times you’ve heard your friends go on
the bad way. Who do we think we’re appeasing by walking on eggshells and about their wild “sexcapades” and then remember how often you’ve sighed
tucking our libidos away? Who told us we were too dirty to enjoy another man’s to yourself, “I remember when I used to be able to do that.” Then wake up, take
company? Who stamped the word “tainted” on our foreheads to prevent us from off that imaginary dunce cap and kick open the penalty box door. You are not a
ever finding love again? Chances are, we did it ourselves. Sure, some men enforce prisoner of shame. You’re hot-blooded love machine who simply needs to make
a strict no-HIV dating policy, but that is their individual right. We’re the ones who a few adjustments—and buy a few more condoms—before he jumps back into
convinced ourselves that theirs was the prevailing attitude of the masses. Well, the…saddle. And when we finally find what we’re looking for, whether it’s a
in order to destigmatize poz men en masse, we first need to overhaul our own lifelong companion, a lifetime of wild memories or a weekend pass to Southern
skewed vision and face whatever demons come up from these labels. Hmmm, gay Decadence, we won’t need anyone’s approval or judgment to justify our lives. So
men being scared into submission by labels. Go figure! Still, the escape from our let’s live it up, California.
24 RAGE monthly | June 2009
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