it’s a girl thing
by henrietta henry
“The friggin’ banks! They’re taking the house and selling it! That’s what I’m telling
you! but it won’t be worth a cent after I’m through with it!”
In my family, news is shared much like National Enquirer reporters circulate out banks but not people!” My grandmother had confirmed it for me. Now it was
sensationalized rumors. My family members are like a combination of old film on to the horse’s mouth. I knew I had to approach the situation coolly. My mom
noir private eyes and overbearing L.A. paparazzi. First there will be whispers of is a fun-loving party animal, but not too surprisingly she’s reluctant to talk about
some scandalous event that they all fervidly investigate, and then once the dirty potential buzz kills. I had to tread lightly. “So, um, how are things with um...the
laundry is located, they’re ready to air it to the public. The public being… me. I’m a house?” I asked. Totally blew it. Lucky for me mom was in good spirits. “Oh, they’re
one-woman public, even though I’m part of the family. Often the same breaking putting it on the auction block. But, I’m okay. There are great memories here, but a
story will have different headlines. “Uncle Jim dogs new girlfriend in ugly bar room lot of painful memories too. A new start would be good.”
spectacle!” will later become “Uncle Jim gets the smack down from girlfriend at I knew what she meant, because I shared the same memories. I grew up in
local pub!” Sometimes it takes a while to get the real scoop. This naturally takes a that house from my awkward pre-teen years right up until I turned 21. I’d been
while, and inevitably I’ve spent all of my cell phone minutes by the time I’ve heard through my parent’s divorce, mom’s second marriage to her machismo, ex-con
everyone’s version of the story. My family... gotta love ‘em. husband and all the drama that came along with it. I’d come out in that house, and
The family tabloid isn’t reserved only for scandalous, juicy happenings. In an things are cool now, but the initial reception was rough. There are good things
oddly humorous twist, I often find out about serious events over in my old east too, though. Family parties, fun Christmases, weekends spent poolside listening
coast stomping ground in the same manner. My brother, for instance, was the first to classic rock. When I hung up the phone with my mom after learning that she
to break the news to me about my mother losing her house. And he broke this was going to lose the house, I was flooded with these memories and found myself
news in the fashion of a funny, albeit eccentric, teenage boy with a love of RPG frustrated with the physical distance between my family and me for the first time
computer games, Lil’ John, and eye-for-an-eye politics. in a long time. Then I stopped thinking and booked two flights home for the week-
“You know they’re not gonna take this house from us right? If anyone shows up end that mom’s house was scheduled for auction. One for me,
to take this house, we’re just gonna wreck the whole thing. I’m gonna get a and one for my girlfriend. I’d shared so many stories with
gun and shoot out the windows...I’ll burn the bitch down to the ground!” her about my years in Orlando. I couldn’t miss the last
my brother quipped. “Adam, what are you talking about?” I asked. “The chance I’d have for her to meet my family
friggin’ banks! They’re taking the house and selling it! That’s what I’m in that infamous house. I called
telling you! But it won’t be worth a cent after I’m through with it!” mom and broke this little
I’d known my mom had been in a lot of financial trouble since news of my own, she was
she split with her second husband. I knew she’d been battling elated. “Wooooo hooooo!
with her mortgage company for years. But I didn’t know her We’ll just make this a last
house was going into foreclosure. I needed more information hurrah party, then! You
though. I consulted the most reliable source of the fam- bring your girl, we’ll
ily tabloid: my grandmother. My grandmother and stock up the coolers,
I communicate mainly through e-mail. She’s as and go out with
tech-savvy as a high schooler. I casually e-mailed a big old bang!” I
her about the situation and she quickly replied. laughed, picturing
“Well, your mother’s been on a bad luck streak the pool, the smell
for a while and she can’t seem to get any of BBQ, and the
help. She slipped through the cracks of warmth of
that Obama plan, too. That’s Washington the sun.
for you though. Those D.C. crooks can bail
Heading
Home
feedback?
itsagirlthing@ragemonthly.com
28 RAGE monthly | June 2009
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