E10

KLMNO

By Mike Shenk • Edited by Peter Gordon • www.fireballcrosswords.com

ACROSS

The Post Puzzler No. 8

1 Celebratory act

56 Org. with a WaterSense program

10 Delivery preceder 15 One unlikely to be alarmed?

16 Drivel description 17 City between Cleveland and Erie

18 Like some engagements that don’t end well

19 Iguana on “Dora the Explorer”

NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST

Friend’s religious beliefs could short-circuit romance

Hi, Carolyn: I’ve had a big crush on a friend of mine for a while, and after a couple of successful friend dates, I finally told her I like-liked her. After much deliberation, she told me that, though she likes me a lot, she takes dating really seriously, wouldn’t normally date anyone she wouldn’t marry, and wouldn’t marry someone who didn’t share her religious beliefs (which I don’t). She said she was really conflicted in this instance though, and asked me what I thought, so I told her I thought she could cross the marriage bridge when she came to it, and was probably denying herself a lot of chances to have fun and learn about herself, life and relationships, etc. She doesn’t seem to know what she

wants; we kissed the other night, I think her first (we’re in our mid-20s), but she said she still doesn’t want to get involved. Then she tells me she’s really conflicted and we hang out again. . . . I like her a lot, so I want to give her a chance to figure out what she wants to do. What do you think of her position on dating? Am I barking up the wrong tree questioning her beliefs, or even trying to date her?

Godless

Both of us can speculate ourselves silly about her position on dating and yours on trees, but the more useful mental exercise might be to assume the obvious is true: Her brain says no and her newly smooched body says yes. Puts you in an interesting position,

doesn’t it. While she’s a grown woman who can

make her own choices, there is something sketchy about fueling a physical temptation while feeding her ways to rationalize around her beliefs. “Have fun,” “learn about yourself,” “cross the marriage bridge when you come to it”? You’re the devil on her shoulder. What you’re whispering in her ear

isn’t technically bad; I advise such social exploration myself. But you’ve got a powerful ulterior motive, and she’s got a powerful value system that

CAROLYN HAX

warrants your respect. So if you really do like her a lot, then at least try to think with her brain for a second — or just recognize she has concerns that she can’t dismiss as breezily as you can. For example: If she does date you, can it be anything to her but a purely indulgent fling? If she does have a fling, will she come to believe — after the adrenaline dissipates — that she betrayed herself? If/when she does find someone she loves in her faith, will she regret said fling? These are just conversation starters, not pre-answered questions. Being true to her beliefs doesn’t mean she’s prohibited from challenging them, especially since any beliefs worth having will withstand such scrutiny. There’s nothing to say her beliefs won’t or shouldn’t evolve under questioning. I’m merely suggesting that you can show how much you care for her — and, not coincidentally, give your friendship its best chance at growing closer, no matter what transpires romantically — by respecting the magnitude of her conflict. After all, her religion helped shape this person you now admire. Ask her thoughtful questions, and question her assumptions even. Just don’t take lightly, or encourage her to take lightly, beliefs she counts on every day.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@

washpost.com.

at www.washingtonpost.com/discussions.

ONLINE DISCUSSION Carolyn Hax’s

weekly Web chat is at noon Fridays

20 Like a bullwhip 22 Fill space 23 78’s sound 25 Topic of current studies 26 Paul or Howard

27 Sweep 29 Secure

30 Turbidity cause 31 Like Inspector Clouseau 33 Twosome at a chick fl ick, often

35 Green ink source 36 Regulus setting 37 Series with a theme song sung by the Rembrandts

41 Minorca’s highest point 44 First pro team with a helmet logo

45 Grub 47 Distort

49 Constitution, for one: Abbr.

50 Works with many strings, maybe

52 Distort

53 World Factbook producer 54 Flutes’ kin

ANSWER TO LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE

TH I S I N S TA NT

C OUN T C A L O R I E S

LI N E D R I V E S I N G L E EL Y S E E AD S TR I S AI R FE A R S CH I M P SC O T PE R DI S N E Y HE M A N RE P O T SO W E T O OT E L L O HE S S E SE E R S

MO H A I R PS U WE P T PL O T S SA YN O SH A EST D WI N PUS HE R GE T A LO N G W I T H O U T N E W E NG L A ND E R S AN D T H E N S O M E

57 Buff 59 Admitted

61 “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!” crier

62 Police work 63 Found fortuitously 64 Symbol of boyhood

DOWN

1 Maintains

2 Place to raise dogs? 3 Fifth element 4 One may have a grip on it

5 Piehole

6 Job holder 7 In general 8 “CSI: NY” actress Kanakaredes whose 17-letter name alternates consonants and vowels

9 Going on

10 He played Satchel Paige in the TV movie “Soul of the Game”

11 Ortiz of “Ugly Betty” 12 Home to Adidas and Puma

123456789 10 11 12 13 14 15 17

16 18

19 23 27

31 35

37 38 39 44 49

53 57 61 63

58 40 45 50 54

59 62

64 46 51 55 60 41 47 52 56 20 24 28 32 25 29 33 36 42 43 48 34 30 21

22 26

SUNDAY,MAY 30, 2010

13 Hot 14 Bends

21 Ultimate purpose 24 Works for a conductor 28 “The chief nurse of England’s statesmen”

30 Tape holders 32 Clifton Chenier’s music 34 “What’s stopping us?” 37 Shape with self-similarity 38 Literally, “little turnips” 39 “Don’t test me!” 40 Eschewed acting 41 George Costanza’s mother

42 Amassed

43 Chinese takeout quantity

46 Finger

48 Fender sounds 50 Eastern terminus of the Central Pacifi c Railroad

51 Boa, e.g. 55 Give and take 58 Tour starter 60 Time piece

TODAY’S HOROSCOPE

Holiday Mathis

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Leonardo da Vinciwrote: “He who has access to the fountain does not go to the water pot.” Creatively speaking, you have that access. And the more you go back, the sweeter the waters become.

when the kids want to play

ASK AMY

Parent of 10 cries uncle

Dear Amy: I have 10 children, ranging in age from

2 to 21. I am 51 years old. Am I still supposed to play with them? They think so, but I say, “Enough!”

Tired

Play is an important part of our mental, physical, emotional and creative development. How you define “play” may be elastic, but, yes, if at all possible you should interact with your children (at least sometimes) in play. I highly recommend the new

documentary “Babies,” which offers an open window to the worlds of four children born into four very different cultures. (You may not need to see this film, but for others not surrounded by children, it is illuminating. For information, check www.focusfeatures.

com/film/babies.)

The babies in “Babies” don’t have much materially in common because they are growing up in vastly differing circumstances, but one thing all human beings seem to need is time to play, and if the youngest humans among us can share some of that play time with their mother or father, all the better.

Dear Amy: I recently went out to dinner with a friend. A few days before, she informed me that she had a gift card she wanted to use.

When the check came after dinner,

she asked me to pay $36 — my portion of the tab with tip. She had no intention of sharing the card ($50 value). I thought it was rude and tasteless of her to use the gift card just for herself. I

Your friend told you she intended to use a gift card. Did she also tell you she would treat you to the meal? If you feel used or if there was a misunderstanding about who would pay for the meal, you should clear it up with her. There’s nothing “wrong” with using a

gift card to pay for a meal — or pay for a portion of a meal.

Dear Amy: It has been interesting to read how

different people handle toddler meltdowns. My father’s method seemed to be effective. Whenever my brother or I would have

a meltdown, we would go off on an extensive search for our “composure.” We would look everywhere — under the couch (“No, I don’t see your composure here”), behind the door (“Still not here”), until we finally calmed down. I don’t remember ever officially finding my composure, and it took me until I was about 6 to realize that “composure” is not a concrete object!

Hannah

I absolutely love this. Thank you.

Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@ tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

© 2010 by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services

CUL DE SAC

Richard Thompson

think she needed my cash for something else. I felt she used me as a dinner companion to use the gift card. Am I wrong?

Anne in Connecticut

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Normally, you wouldn’t call yourself an outspoken person. But you are in a situation where, like it or not, something needs to be said. Take a deep breath, and do what has to be done.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Someone is keeping a secret from you — not a big secret, but something that will make you happy. You don’t need to do anything to discover it. This person will tell you of his or her own accord.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

It bothers you when someone makes light of what is, in fact, a serious matter. This situation is happening right now. It might be up to you to remind the persons concerned of the gravity of the topic.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

What’s left to do after you reach the top of the mountain? Pick another

mountain. You’re so good at the thing you do, it would be a shame to deprive the world of your stellar gift.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You miss your family. It comes and

goes, but sometimes you think nothing is as important as spending time with the ones you love. See whether you can’t spare a little time to see them. It would do all of you a lot of good.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)

Uncertainty at work is affecting your home life negatively. The most important thing is to know the difference between what you can control and what you can’t. Then let go of what you can’t. Easy, right?

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)

Someone’s unprompted compliment is just what you needed to restore your good humor and confidence. Kind words do wonders for a flagging spirit, especially when they’re true.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

If you try too hard to be “good,” you will rebel. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself craving your favorite forbidden fruits, plus some you didn’t even know you liked. But if you hold fast to your plan, the craving will pass.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your current transportation method might not be working perfectly, but it’s working. In a few weeks, you’ll be able to put it in better working order. But for now just be thankful you’re able to get where you need to be.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Nothing makes a project more pleasant than having the right tools for the job. Before you start, go get that one tool you’ve been wanting. It’ll make the whole task a lot more fun.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Like a kid with a new video game, you are completely transfixed by your current activity. Focus like this is uncommon; it will rub off onto other areas of your life.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAY | MAY 30: Your

playful, witty personality will bring fun situations into your life this year. An entire group of people will be devoted to your happiness in June. Its essential that you have a written plan for business and finance as soon as possible. That document will guide you into a better position by October. Pisces and Scorpio people adore you.

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