SUNDAY, APRIL 11, 2010
OnLove
NUPTIALS
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ON LOVE ONLINE
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WHAT YOU’LL FIND ONLINE
• Our OnLove questionnaire, which couples can fill out to be considered for coverage. • Videos, photos, advice and polls.
MARY DOUGHERTY PHOTOGRAPHY
Dawn Sell & Dave Boulter
Dawn Sell, 27, is a cardiovascular technologist. Dave Boulter, 33, is a carpenter. They live in Fairfax.
LINDA DAVIDSON/THE WASHINGTON POST
Wedding date: March 13.
Location: Cherrydale Baptist Church, Arlington.
Guests: 91.
How they met: A mutual friend
from church had planned a sky-diving trip to West Point, Va., in 2007. That’s when he introduced Dawn and Dave, both excited first-time sky-divers. The two chatted during the trip and discovered they were both avid runners as well. A couple of weeks later, they rented a canoe, packed a picnic lunch and set out from Fletcher’s Boat House in Georgetown for their first date.
The proposal: Last August, on the eve of Dawn’s birthday, Dave drove Dawn to his parents’ house in Alexandria, where he made dinner. The two sat on one side of the patio enjoying their meal while Dawn’s birthday presents were on the other side. Dave insisted she open at least one gift, and Dawn reluctantly agreed to open his. She first unwrapped a framed poem that Dave had written describing their relationship. Then she opened a big present that included an antique box with two runner trophy figurines perched on top. Inside that box was the engagement ring.
The wedding: They made their invitations, programs, a cupcake stand and the cake topper, which was another pair of runner trophy figurines adorned with a tiny veil and a tie. They also incorporated Dave’s engagement poem, which was read during the ceremony, into bookmark favors.
Honeymoon: Rio de Janeiro.
— Kathleen Hom
SEPARATION LOOMS:Before being stationed far away from each other, Jodie Friedman married Gavin Grimm.
that.
by Ellen McCarthy
Jodie Friedman was nervous about the Army’s land navigation test even be- fore she showed up for the six-month training course required of all new mili- tary lawyers. Friedman had no military background, but she was drawn to the discipline, structure and purpose of the Judge Advocate General’s Corps. And the 28-year-old North Potomac native felt competent at learning soldier skills until it came to this: Before dawn, a ser- geant dropped her into the middle of the Georgia woods, handed her a map and a compass and asked her to make it to eight points within five hours. She reached two of the eight markers
that June 2009 morning. “I knew this was going to be a horrible thing for me,” Friedman says. Fortunately for her, that was only a
practice run. There would be a second trial session, this time pairing soldiers who’d done poorly with those who’d done well.
And luckily she was paired with Ga- vin Grimm, who scored an eight out of eight. The Iowa native had joined the Army right out of high school, worked his way through college and law school between deployments to Iraq, and done countless land navigation exercises dur- ing his decade with the military. “So I knew I was going to get stuck with somebody who didn’t know what they were doing,” says Grimm, 29. But he was glad it was Friedman. The
two had a moment when they first met, a few months earlier. All the JAG train- ees had gathered in a bar, and Grimm and Friedman started chatting about their backgrounds and interests. Grimm even offered to lend Friedman a beret she needed to complete her uni- form, but when she went to pick it up the next morning he was hung over and brusque. They didn’t talk much after
But in the dark, swampy forest, there
was little to do except talk. Friedman kept her flashlight trained on Grimm, and once he’d explained the techniques used to make it from point to point, the conversation turned personal. “It was basically a four-hour bonding experi- ence,” he says. On the final test a few days later,
Friedman made it to seven of the eight points. Then the two paired up again for the
other exercise Friedman dreaded: the insertion of an IV into a fellow soldier. She was blanched and shaking when the day came, but Grimm “explained the
en people were around, having dinner and bar-hopping, but Friedman and Grimm kept pairing off by themselves and, at the end of the night, sharing a kiss. The next day they were seated sep-
arately at a baseball game, but wan- dered to the same railing overlooking the city. They drove home together, ex- tended the weekend with dinner, and were together every possible moment in the weeks to come. But even as their feelings grew, the
two were keenly aware of the coming separation. At the end of July, JAG train- ing would end and Friedman would ship out to Germany, while Grimm was
‘There’s no reason for us to wait’
Jodie Friedman & Gavin Grimm
whole process, just turned it into a very scientific thing,” Friedman recalls. She pulled the needle out too quickly on her first try, leaving him with blood gushing out of the catheter stuck in his arm. The second time she hit muscle instead of a vein. Grimm was unfazed throughout. “Just seeing how he was so calm and compassionate and professional and skilled at everything — I felt definitely a connection with him after that,” she says. The two started eating together and sharing desserts from their packaged meals. When a group of trainees orga- nized a weekend trip to Atlanta, Fried- man encouraged Grimm to come. A doz-
to be stationed at Fort Campbell, Ky. They took weekend excursions to Sa-
vannah and New Orleans and half- joked, Grimm says, that they should “just run off and get married, then the Army couldn’t separate us.” Graduation came and they parted.
Friedman was at her parents’ house the night before she was to fly to Germany. A three-hour phone conversation hinged on questions about their future. “It was like, ‘What’s it gonna be — are you in or are you out?’ ” he recalls. “I said, ‘I’m in.’ And she’s like, ‘Me too.’ ” They began a routine of e-mails, daily phone calls across a seven-hour time difference and weekend confabs via
webcam. She visited him briefly in Octo- ber and he traveled to see her in Novem- ber. The next month, as they knew might happen, Grimm was told he’d be deployed to Afghanistan in May. Knowing her unit could deploy after
his returned, they started to think it might be years before they’d be together again. On Dec. 19, Friedman said, “Why are we waiting?” recalled Grimm. “And I said, ‘You know what? We shouldn’t wait.’ ” That day, they decided to marry. It could still take months or years for a du- al-military couple to be stationed to- gether, but the process wouldn’t begin until they were legally wed. “This is how I explained it to my par-
ents,” he says: “ ‘I am not going to be any more sure about her in two years than I am right now. There’s no reason for us to wait, given the circumstances.’ ” Grimm called Friedman’s mother and
father, whom he’d never met, to ask their blessing. “I’m not marrying her be- cause I’m deploying,” he told them. “I’m marrying her now because I’m deploy- ing.” They planned a wedding remotely and married at the Ballroom at McLean Gardens on April 3, just a day after in- troducing their families. The newlyweds will be together for
two weeks before Friedman returns to Germany and Grimm heads back to Kentucky. They won’t see each other again until Grimm is granted a leave. In her vows to Grimm, Friedman said:
“I’ll get through each day we’re apart thinking about how lucky we are to have found each other.”
mccarthye@washpost.com
MORE PHOTOS To view a gallery of photos from Jodie Friedman and Gavin
Grimm’s wedding, or to read more details about their big day, visit www.washingtonpost.
com/onlove.
Engagements | Weddings | Anniversaries
weddings@washpost.com phone: 202-334-5736 fax: 202-334-5888
——Engagements——
——Anniversaries——
Valerie Ann Stanard& Scott Michael Steele
—May 2010—
Baldwin 30th Anniversary
—April 12, 1980—
Congratulations, Eileen and Peter Baldwin on your 30th wedding anniversary.The bunnies and girls.
Gleazer 70th Anniversary
—April 14, 1940—
Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, is the author of the new book, “Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding.” She recently joined us for an online chat about wedding etiquette. An excerpt of her nuptial wisdom follows.
Huff Diamond Anniversary
—April 17, 1950—
Valerie Stanard and Scott Steele
Pamela Pyles Stanard of Temple Hills, Maryland, is pleased to announce the engagement of her daughter, Valerie Ann Stanard, to Scott Michael Steele, son of Mr. and Mrs. Brian Steele of Boston, Massachusetts. Miss Stanard is a 2001 graduate of the Medical College of Virginia with a Doctor of Pharmacy Degree and is a Certified Diabetes Educator at the Bay Pines V.A. Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida. Mr. Steele is a 2002 graduate of Bridgewater College in Massachusetts with a degree in Computer Science and is System Administrator for Hyatt Vacation Ownership in St. Petersburg, Florida. A May wedding is planned in St. Pete Beach, Florida.
Tip #3:
Get more information online at washingtonpost.com/onlove.
Elwood A and Joan M Huff, Falls Church, Virginia celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary on Sunday April 11, 2010 with their family on the cruise ship Dandy. They were married on April 17, 1950, in Riverdale, Mary- land. They have seven children, sev- enteen grandchildren and eighteen great-grandchildren. They both are now retired as they owned and oper- ated Huff Heating and Air Condition- ing, Falls Church, Virginia. Thanks Dad andMomfor your love, and support.
SW Waterfront: My partner
and I are planning a very small wedding with only immediate family and very close friends in attendance. We would, however, like to inform others as to our union without appearing to be begging for presents. Is a wedding announcement out of line? And, if not, how does one get across “no presents please” without having to state it on the announcement? Thank you for
Ed and Charlene Gleazer
Ed & Charlene Gleazer celebrate their70th anniversary on April 14, 2010.With love and congratulations from your children and their spouses, grandchildren, and great grandchil- dren.
Declare Your Love!
Announce your Engagement,Wedding or Anniversary in TheWashington Post’s Sunday Arts & Style Section. (Birthdays, Graduations & other Special Events have moved to Thursdays.)You may provide text and photos.Color is available. Many packages include keepsake plaques of your announcement.
weddings@washpost.com
Or call 202.334.5736, toll free 877.POST.WED, fax 202.334.7188 All materials must be received by Monday at 1 p.m.
your thoughts.
Miss Manners: Formal
wedding announcements are rarely sent nowadays, possibly because couples are too busy telling the entire world about their weddings on the Internet. But announcements are intended to inform people who you believe would care to know; they are not demands for presents. However, many people mistakenly think so. (They require merely a return message of good wishes.) But if you are wary of your friends’ reactions, send them individual chatty messages instead.
Save the date: Save the date
cards were mailed. Now, however, the wedding is off. How should one inform the recipients of “save the date”:
MISS MANNERS
Judith Martin
No presents? That’s not for you to decide.
formally or informally (i.e.,
cards, notes, phone calls)? Miss Manners: It would be well to do this with an informal note, saying that the wedding has been called off by mutual decision (the only official reason a wedding is called off, even if the bride has discovered that the bridegroom has a wife and six children elsewhere). Organized people file those save-the-date cards in their engagement calendars, but may not be organized enough to remember a telephone call canceling the event.
Washington: What is the
etiquette for inviting my sister’s new in-laws to my wedding? My sister was the first (out of four sisters) to get married and now with my own wedding coming up, I feel that I will be setting the precedent for whether to invite our sister’s husband’s parents. This has been a huge point of contention between my
parents and me. Thank you. Miss Manners: It would be
gracious to include these people, but you are quite right in thinking this would set a precedent. The rule is to limit by categories — no third cousins, or no children under 12 —rather than to risk insulting individuals. But with four marriageable sisters, it might be well to set a precedent of inclusive weddings. The guest list should have priority over the arrangements, which is to say that you ask first who should be there, and then what you can afford to feed them,
rather than the other way around.
Boston: Pre-wedding
question: Do you tell your best friend of two decades that he’s making a huge mistake in getting married, or clam up? For what it’s worth, telling him will not change his mind, and I don’t want to be in the “I told
you so” business. Miss Manners: Then clam up. Silver Spring: My fiancee and
I are getting married in a few weeks, and we’re having trouble paying for it. Her parents have each said how much they are willing to pay, but my parents haven’t said a word. Is it wrong to keep asking when they are
going to help us out?
Miss Manners: Yes. You
should be putting that effort into re-planning a wedding you can afford.
Destination weddings: If
guests are spending substantial amounts to travel to destination weddings, are guests expected to bring gifts of the same value of attending a local wedding without travel costs?
Miss Manners: The two
expenses are not related. People who cannot or do not care to spend the money to travel should not go. Those who choose inconvenient locations should not expect everyone to swallow that inconvenience. In any case, wedding presents should not cost more than the givers can comfortably afford.
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