The Washington Post 20100411

E10

KLMNO

The Post Puzzler No. 1

1 They’re none too nimble 5 Jackson of the NBA 9 Player catching crabs, maybe

14 Panda Express staple 16 Big C fi ghter 17 Like some party rooms 18 Jazz saxophonist Lawrence

19 1889 Sousa march, with “The”

21 Wallet leather source 22 Patently famous monogram?

NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST

Newborn twins’ special needs might send this dad packing

Dear Carolyn: My brother’s wife just gave birth to very

premature, very sick twins. They will probably spend months in the hospital and one is likely to have severe developmental issues.

My brother is panicking; he keeps

saying he didn’t sign on for this and he is worried he’s going to cut and run if he doesn’t find relief from the stress. His wife is still recovering from a C-section, so instead of talking through his fears with her, he puts on a brave face and then tells everyone else how scared he is. How best to support him? I want to be there for him, but the part of me that still remembers (all too clearly) the stress of being a new mom to one healthy baby, and not having to recover from a C-section, can’t imagine what my sister-in-law must be going through. I kind

of just want to tell him to snap out of it.

—Seattle

He does need to snap out of it, that’s true. But if you’re looking for a correlation between telling people to snap out of it, and their actually snapping out of it, then you’ll find it in Yeahrightville. Anything you say to your brother has to include elements of sympathy to leaven the suck-it-up part. For example, “You’re right, no one signs up to have — or be — sick children.” And then ask him what he thinks might help with the stress. If it’s just a chance to walk away, then take him out to eat, or pull hospital duty for him while he takes a day to himself. Put it on the weekly schedule, even, so he can count on relief. If having someone to talk to would help him, then you can research his options for him; states offer different programs for special-needs children and their families, and while the gateway is usually the hospital staff, it’s possible your brother hasn’t received or processed the information. Do some homework for him to find support (Washington’s Division of Community and Family Health: www.doh.wa.gov/

CAROLYN HAX

cfh).

Taking his distress as seriously as you

take his wife’s and babies’ will make you amore tolerable source of any tough love you then choose to serve up. Still, give him room to wail his way through this; listen patiently, and also pat his back whenever you see him rising to the occasion. Remind him how lucky his family is to have him. If you don’t see that — say, if his no-show talk turns to walk — then remind him that, even freaked out, he’s better equipped to handle what lies ahead than his babies are, and they’re going to need their daddy. Not to be perfect, mind you — just to be there, loving them, and teaching them how to try.

Predictions of developmental problems notwithstanding, every child faces an uphill fight to get from Point A of infancy to Point B of contented-but- not-resigned adulthood. Some never achieve contentment. But the ones who do aren’t always the ones with all the physical advantages at birth. The greatest advantage any child can have is a parent standing by his side throughout that fight, with no agenda other than to supply what the child needs. Any parent could use the occasional, non-preachy reminder of that.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or

tellme@washpost.com.

at www.washingtonpost.com/discussions.

ASK AMY

If buried, desire for children might come to haunt you

Dear Amy: I am a 34-year-old woman and am in a

relationship with a man. We’ve been together for about a year. He has two children from a previous relationship. The other day I brought up the subject

of having a child with him, because I don’t have any and would love to be a mother soon. He flat-out told me he did not want to have any more children. I’m not sure what to do. I am in love with him and he says he loves me but that he does not want to have any more kids. What should I do?

Worried Woman

This may be the single most challenging issue that couples face as they contemplate their future. When someone gives you the benefit of his unvarnished view, and with frank honesty, you should believe him and then make your own choice based on the information he has provided. It’s not as though your guy is

inexperienced or ambivalent. He has children and is certain he doesn’t want to have any more. I have heard from many women who

have faced this. If they buried their desire to have children for the sake of the relationship, almost to a person they have reported regretting it. You need to determine if your desire to be a mother can be satisfied by any role you might play in your guy’s kids’ lives. If not, you should reconsider your future with him.

Dear Amy: I have a 7-year-old stepson who’s with

us every other weekend and is somewhat afraid of dogs. My parents have a good-size pit-bull-mix rescue dog. The dog has had some form of trauma, as it suffers from

Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune. com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

© 2010 by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services

severe separation anxiety and cannot be left alone or be confined to a room or yard. My parents literally do not go out together anymore because someone has to stay home with the dog. The dog has growled unprovoked at

my stepson inside my parents’ house, and they ignored this, although my dad did have the dog on a leash. Now my dad wants to plan “family get-

togethers” without my stepson because the dog and child “don’t get along.” If my husband and I were to have a full-time child, I wouldn’t want to expose that child to an undisciplined and possibly dangerous dog. Is there a way to bring up my concerns to my dad without implying judgment about his seemingly misplaced priorities or negligent dog ownership?

Distressed Stepmom

Your stepson is part of your family

now, and evidently your father needs your help to get the message. You should ask him to be an understanding granddad and help you to find some positive ways to mentor this child. If he is foolish enough to question your commitment to your stepson, tell him it’s akin to his commitment to the dog. If your folks can make some progress with the dog, you can bring your stepson to their home (with constant supervision). Until then, you’ll have to host one grandparent at a time on other turf. They’ve created this situation, and it isn’t up to you to solve their problem.

ONLINE DISCUSSION Carolyn Hax’s weekly Web chat is at noon Fridays

23 Yo-yos 25 Threads 27 Eliot’s Rum ___ Tugger 29 One who gets the goods, legally

30 1988 Syd Barrett album 31 Like some struggles 33 Not going anywhere 34 By that action 37 Heavy weight lifter 40 Figure in many a round-up? 41 Two-time Swedish prime minister Palme

45 May 1, to Hawaiians 47 Phishing string: Abbr. 48 Seaweed in Japanese restaurants

49 Stud alternative 51 Small swimmers reach them

53 He was “always running here and there,” according to a No. 1 hit song

54 Sweet side

59 Stadium sections 60 First of literature’s “prairie trilogy”

61 Member of the mustard family

62 Junior from the University of Southern California

63 “Sum” derives from it

DOWN

1 Departing words 2 GPS display 3 Cleavage 4 “Family Guy” creator MacFarlane

5 Turns palm-down, as the hand

6 Be determined by 7 Player of Fin Tutuola on “Law & Order: SVU”

8 Baited 9 “Leaves of Grass” poem starter

10 Getting into hastily 11 Capable of being drawn out

15

By Frank Longo • Edited by Peter Gordon • www.fireballcrosswords.com

ACROSS

57 Chihuahua in Mexico, e.g. 58 Thorough borough shower?

SUNDAY, APRIL 11, 2010

12 Transistor part 13 Preschool group? 15 “Put your money where your mouth is!”

20 Writer’s tip 24 Thing to shoot on 26 Some fi x-ups 28 Knee-concealing wear 32 Groups in joint ventures 35 Propinquity 36 Comment from the covetous

37 Progressive Field ballclub, on scoreboards

38 Bad place for a core problem

39 Flying off the handle while fl ying

42 Lung parts 43 Coal mine vehicles 44 Opposite of gaucherie 46 Teenage hooligan, to a Brit 50 It fl ows through Carlsbad 52 Middle of some similes 55 Perfect for plucking 56 Done to ___ 57 2002 Olympics locale, briefl y

1234 5678 9 10111213 14 17

16 18 19

21 25

30 34 35 37 38 39

Check this space each week for the answer to the previous week’s puzzle.

45 49 54

57 59

61 58 60 62 63 46 50 55 40 47 51 52 56 22 26 27 31 28 32 36 41 42 43 44 48 53 23 29 33 20 24

TODAY’S HOROSCOPE

Holiday Mathis

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Things that are on your “someday

I’ll get around to it” list need to be moved over to your “do today” list. Planning and organization will be the cornerstones of your success.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You’ve suffered a few setbacks in the past, and these are the very same events that gave you the edge you have now. Reflection brings new insight. You’ll analyze what happened and learn from the experience.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Information is power. What one person calls “gossip” you call “being aware of your surroundings.” So go ahead and shake a few trees to find out what’s really going on. You’ll be very good at this.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

It would be nice if you could make

your goal in the first or second shot. It probably won’t go that way today, but never stop trying. That’s the way winners do it, and you definitely fall into that category.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

The world is loaded with

opportunities just waiting to be seized. You’ll wield your optimism like

a weapon, cutting down the defenses of the gatekeepers who stand between you and your desire.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Instead of riding on a vague notion

that something needs to be done, figure out what it is and how to do it. If you spend a lot of time in the planning stage, you’ll be very likely to quickly see things through to the end.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)

Participate in games — it will help

you stay sharp. Compete whenever the opportunity arises. But do so in the spirit of fun. Surpassing someone else is far less important than doing your best.

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)

Obstacles in your path will make things more interesting. You’ll have to stretch, think and assert yourself in order to get past them, but you won’t mind a bit. You are always happiest when you are growing.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Loved ones want to go where you go because they know that wherever that is — even if it happens to be the grocery or the city dump — it’s where the fun will be.

CUL DE SAC

Richard Thompson

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You’ll be energized by the same challenges that once stopped you. You’re learning to stop taking things personally and seriously — and your game just keeps on improving.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’ll be at your best when you

genuinely feel you don’t need to impress anyone. People you know well and see often will make comfortable companions. They will relax you and remind you of your roots.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

You’ll focus on your loved ones’ needs, connect with them on deep levels and understand how to make them happy. No wonder others are so loyal to you. And next week, they’ll become your goodwill ambassadors.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAY | APRIL 11: You’re so

endearing to others that you should mention what you want often — if people can help you get it, they will. Over the next 10 weeks, one successful person in particular will be more than pleased to help you become successful, too. Your love life sizzles in June. There’s a financial bonus in September. Taurus and Virgo people adore you.

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