The researchers followed each child for more than 40 years and over and over again, the group who waited patiently for the second marshmallow succeeded in whatever capacity they were measuring. In other words, this series of experiments proved that the ability to delay gratification was critical for success in life.
And if you look around today, you’ll see this playing out everywhere…
• If you delay the gratification of buying desserts and chips at the store, then you’ll eat healthier when you get home.
• If you delay gratification of stress eat- ing, then you won’t eat empty, need- less calories.
• If you delay the gratification of finish- ing your workout early and put in a few more reps, then you’ll be stronger.
… and countless other examples.
Success usually comes down to choos- ing the pain of discipline over the ease of distraction. And that’s exactly what delayed gratification is all about. This brings us to an interesting question: Do some people naturally have more self-control and thus are destined for success or can you learn to develop this important trait?
What Determines Your Ability to Delay Gratification? Researchers at the University of
Rochester decided to replicate the marsh- mallow experiment, but with an important twist. Before offering the child the marsh- mallow, the researchers split the children into two groups.
The first group was exposed to a series of unreliable experiences. For example, the researcher gave the child a small box of crayons and promised to bring a bigger one, but never did. Then the researcher gave the child a small sticker and promised to bring a better selection of stickers, but never did. Meanwhile, the second group had very reliable experiences. They were promised better crayons and got them. They were told about the better stickers and then they received them.
You can imagine the impact these experiences had on the marshmallow test. The children in the unreliable group had no reason to trust that the researchers would bring a second marshmallow and thus didn’t wait very long to eat the first one. Meanwhile, the children in the second group were training their brains to see de- layed gratification as a positive. Every time the researcher made a promise and then delivered on it, the child's brain registered two things: 1) waiting for gratification is worth it and 2) I have the capability to wait. As a result, the second group waited an average of four times longer than the first group.
In other words, the child's ability to
delay gratification and display self-control was not a predetermined trait, but rather was impacted by the experiences and environment that surrounded them. In fact, the effects of the environment were almost instantaneous. Just a few minutes of reliable or unreliable experiences were enough to push the actions of each child in one direction or another.
How to Become Better at Delaying Gratification Before we go further, let's clear one
thing up. For one reason or another, the Marshmallow Experiment has become par- ticularly popular. You'll find it mentioned in nearly every major media outlet. But these studies are just one piece of data, a small insight into the story of success. Hu- man behavior (and life in general) is a lot more complex than that, so let's not pre- tend that one choice a four-year-old makes will determine the rest of his or her life.
However, the studies above do make one thing clear: if you want to succeed at something, at some point you will need to find the ability to be disciplined and take action instead of becoming distracted and doing what's easy. Success in nearly every field requires you to ignore doing something easier, in favor of doing some- thing harder (delaying gratification). The key takeaway here is that even if you don't feel like you're good at delaying gratifica- tion now, you can train yourself to be- come better simply by making a few small improvements. In the case of the children in the study, this meant being exposed to a reliable environment where the researcher promised something and then delivered it.
You and I can do the same thing. We
can train our ability to delay gratification, just like we can train our muscles in the gym. And you can do it in the same way as the child and the researcher: by promising something small and then delivering. Over and over again until your brain says, 1) yes, it's worth it to wait and 2) yes, I have the capability to do this.
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