So, the healing powers of safe touch literally make our systems less anxious. After a stressful day, a gentle hug, caress, or brief touch can make all the difference in telling our physiology to calm down. It tells us that we are safe, that we are going to be okay.
HOW MUCH TOUCH DO YOU NEED? Many of us have never thought about how much touch we need because our personal touch quota is the result of a complex combination of hundreds of factors including how much we were touched as children, whether this was perceived as positive or negative, our general emotional health, and our individual personalities and natures. So, how much touch is the right
amount for you? Working this out is a bit like Goldilocks.
Getting your personal touch quota just right can literally change your life, providing a deeper sense of peace and balance. For some people the thought of a hug sends them into a white panic. They are the ones who quickly describe themselves as ‘not touchy’ people. If forced to hug, they will often give you the quick triple pat as they sneakily inch their body away from yours. Then there are the ‘professional power huggers’ who are ready to dive into your arms before you’ve got your name out. Most of us have our own intuitive
personal equation of how much touch we need in our lives to feel fulfilled. If we don’t meet it, we sense that something is missing or ‘off’.
For me, it was the absence of touch that made me value its importance. When I separated from my partner and moved into a country cottage 1000 kilometres from my prior close-nit community of power huggers, I noticed that no matter how much I spoke via phone or Skype with my loved ones, there was a sense of something missing. Finally, it struck me that my personal touch pot was running ruefully dry. Once a week, I caught up with my only
acquaintance, whereby we exchanged a brief kiss and hug (hello and goodbye) totalling approximately six seconds. This was the new sum of my weekly human touch. And going from nightly snuggling with my partner and hundreds of community hugs to six seconds was throwing my system into confusion and longing. The lack of touch in my life was
literally putting my system under stress. For me, this realisation was the
catalyst to joining a weekly choir and a writing group and to actively start making more face-to-face connections with my new community.
It also
confirmed for me that I was one of these touchy people and that long term, it would serve me to live somewhere where hugging was embedded into the culture.
EMBRACING YOUR PERSONAL TOUCH QUOTA We are all different. What matters is working out how much touch you need and then being brave enough to create this in your own life. It is about embracing your personal touch quota
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as part of who you are and being comfortable in fulfilling it. For me, being new to this community, I had to actively go out and seek more connection to start making steps to fulfil my touch quota. For those of us living with partners and children, sometimes the briefest touch may be all we need to comfort ourselves and our loved ones. When we touch, we feel connected and this helps fulfil one of the greatest human desires of being cared for. Without knowing why, we feel nourished and connected. So, this week I urge you to start to
notice your relationship with touch. Do you have enough safe touch in your life to meet your personal quota? If you find yourself stressed and running around, perhaps some gentle touch from someone you love may be the ticket? It has a positive effect for the both the toucher or touchee. In your own unique way, reach out and touch someone you love and get your biology working in your favour to create a happier, more peaceful you. ■
A list of references for this article can be found in the online version at
www.livingnow.com.au
Connect with other readers & comment on this article at
www.livingnow.com.au
Aaila Greene (BA Hons Psych) is a writer, speaker and workshop facilitator with a background in counselling and case work. She is committed
to living a deeply fulfilling, authentic life while helping others to do the same.
Melbourne Brisbane
Sunshine Coast
120687
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