There are occasions when children, who have
trouble making friends, will need more help than a parent can offer. Professional child psychologists can help a child to overcome problems such as making negative predictions and can encourage them to take appropriate risks and try different ways of dealing with situations.
What not to do Don't make your child’s problem the ‘elephant in the room’. Don’t focus on it and blow it out of proportion. Instead, focus on getting her involved in hobbies, sports, music, art, youth groups, religious groups or any other constructive activities. The busier and more productive a person is, the less time they have to worry about being lonely. Young children, who don’t have any friends, can be introduced to confidence- building activities like self-defence classes, piano lessons, craft classes etc. anything that works towards building their confidence will help with friendships and relationships. .
First of all, be patient. Acknowledge the fact that social skills can take
some people longer to develop and groom. It is likely that, if you or your partner/husband was shy as a child, your child will develop the same tendencies, so try to remember how you felt and guide your child gently in the right direction. Be realistic. It’s unrealistic for a parent to set a goal for a child to have ten
new friends by the end of the school year. Take baby steps and acknowledge that it is better for your child to have one friend, with whom she feels comfortable. It may be difficult, but you may have to accept, quite simply, that some
children just prefer to be alone. I have a friend, who is concerned because her eight-year-old daughter
likes to come home from school and play happily – on her own – in her bedroom. ‘What am I going to do?’ she wails. ‘She’s as odd as anything!’ Ironically, though, her daughter isn’t ‘odd’. In school and in group activities, she is the life and soul of the party. She takes part with good humour and enjoys herself. She is a confident, happy child. Given the choice, however, she just prefers to be alone and to read, play music and amuse herself. The only bad idea is to ignore the problem and trust it will disappear.
Short of that, pretty much anything goes. Homeschooling, switching schools, even moving are not entirely outside the realm of possibility, but are really last resorts. It goes without saying, but be there for your child while she needs you.
Let her know that you care, and that you're looking for ways to solve the problem. You can find a way to work through this, and this, too, shall pass.
Modernmum 29
Highly intelligent children - or children who strive to appear intelligent - may also struggle to make friends
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