MM Friendship
Can there really be any more upsetting experience than hearing your child say, ‘Mummy, why have I no friends?’ When your child cries to you that the other kids don't like her, what should you do?
Helping your child to
make friends
As 36-year-old mum, Barbara Morrow, watched her seven-year- old daughter Jayne shout ‘goodbye’ to friends as she came out of school one afternoon, she noticed something a little odd. ‘As Jayne was crossing the playground,’ Barbara told MM, ‘she
was calling ‘bye’ to her friends – just as she normally would. As she did so though, I noticed – albeit fleetingly - that very few answered her or called back to her. I just dismissed the thought and scooped her up to give her a hug. ‘As we pulled away from the school, however, Jayne turned to
me and said simply, ‘Everybody’s going to Kelly’s party’ this afternoon, Mum.’ It turned out that, of the eight children in her class, she was the
only one, who hadn’t been invited. It was then that she started to cry. My heart could have broken for her as she asked, ‘Why did I not get invited, Mum?’ Barbara’s upset mirrors that experienced by many mums, who
realise that their child struggles to make friends, and may often be alienated. It’s a common problem.
Why some children find it difficult to make friends There are many reasons why a child at school may lack friends. Some children are just naturally shy and may hesitate about commenting or participating, even around children they are used to being with. Highly intelligent children - or children who strive to appear intelligent - may also struggle to make friends. This is because
28 Modernmum
they may have a greater grasp of verbal language and this may make it difficult for other children to understand them. Conversely, children who have a learning disability, especially
boys, may also find it difficult to make friends. Children, who are prone to showing strong emotional
responses, such as crying, particularly boys, may find themselves alienated and ridiculed. Unfortunately, when a group of children play together, it can often be ‘jungle rule’ and those perceived as being ‘weak’ make easy targets for the more confident and assertive.
How you can help For a start, don’t panic if your child comes to you to tell you that they don’t have friends. In reality, they often will have friends. Some children will, however, see other children talking to numerous people and this may lead them to think that they, with only one or true good friends, are not as popular. If you do notice that your child doesn’t seem to have friends, or
talks about being left out repeatedly from group activities, then it’s advisable to speak to the principal of the school so that he or she can keep an eye out and make a proper diagnosis. If your child truly has no friends, your goal shouldn't be to get
her to the pinnacle of popularity in two weeks. Rather, you want to help her find one or two good friends who will be there for her over the long term.
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