the beliefs that formed, and how this played out in her life as painful patterns of sabotaging love. Although Angela could see intellectually that these self-images and the feelings were not objectively real, she was identified, and therefore caught, in a contracted painful place inside herself. In this, Angela cried out, “what do I do now?” I replied, “Nothing at all. Just be here, resting undefended and open. Noth- ing you have to fix or get or do. Just open- ing, just softening, just allowing. See what’s really here.” It sounds so simple, and on one level it is simple, but when any of us are caught in the grip of our ego identity, the practice of defenselessness can feel like being asked to let go into a bed of crushed glass. Unless we have a true container of support both within and without it feels impossible. Often we just bounce back up to the surface of our per- sonality or try to work it out intellectually with our mind. “Give me some steps,” she said. I


asked her what she would typically do when feeling this way. Quickly she out- lined several strategies of disconnecting from her experience – the kinds of things perhaps you find yourself also doing: going to the fridge, turning on the TV, surfing the internet to buy something she did not re- ally want or need, getting into a fight with someone, calling a friend to recount the story of how hopeless it all is, and keeping so busy to avoid having to feel much at all.


The Practice of Un-Do-Ism “OK, here are your steps,” I said. I heard pen scratches down the telephone


line as she diligently prepared to write what I was about to say:


1. See if you can not pick up any of those strategies for a moment.


2. See if you can relax the tendency to try to change or transform your experi- ence in any way.


3. Just be here undefended for a moment and breathe. Sense your feet on the ground and notice how the earth holds you right now without any agenda. DO NOTHING. Just sit here.


4. See if you can be curious about what this experience really is; see if there is anything new to see here.


5. See who this is happening to. These five steps guide us into the be-


ginning of self-inquiry in the midst of an ego knot. Known in India as Jnana yoga, it is thought to be the most direct path for self-realization, but also the hardest. Genuinely turning within to penetrate in and through the ego mind to the depths of presence within feels hard because it brings us very quickly to the edges of what we know ourselves to be. While we may complain about our suffering, we are at- tached to it because our ego worships familiarity more than anything else. Self-inquiry invites us to dive in and


through our direct experience, whatever that happens to be, and do nothing. This


is HOW surrender happens. It is not some- thing we do, rather it happens when we relax our usual egoic doing. Initially it feels confounding. The moment we relax our usual ego strategies to reject something or grasp for something preferable, we meet our sense of disconnection itself. This usu- ally feels like being cut off from love, strength, capacity, peace, joy, and support. We feel like a young child – scared, alone, insufficient and not knowing what to do – and then judge ourselves for our state. How can we open rather than revert to our usual defensive strategies in a moment like this if we don’t have a spiritual guide hold- ing space for us? What CAN we do that supports surrender?


Expanding our inner support All the great wisdom traditions have


echoed the need to cultivate certain virtues in support of embodying spiritual practice in daily life. Every tradition emphasizes the need for trust, humility, open-minded- ness, compassion, patience and more. These are far more than mere conceptual principles. They can become an active presence that fleshes us out – making us spiritually ripe, so we can open into new depths just as ripe fruit on a tree yields easily and falls off the branch. Over the last year in particular, I have been tracking what people really need to cultivate in order to genuinely let their practice of inquiry take off so deep and real transfor- mation happens. I kept seeing how certain qualities make us spiritually ripe, give us the inner support to open rather than just


Kelly Carpenter, NP-C


www.RobinhoodIntegrativeHealth.com Kelly Carpenter, NP-C


Kelly Carpenter NP-C is a board certified Nurse Practitioner. She has 8 years experience in adult medi- cine. She has an enthusiasm for helping people live energized, long healthy lives. She helps patients to obtain healthy weights and maxi- mize energy levels by enhancing their body’s natural healing pro- cesses through optimized nutrition, supplements, and optimizing hor- mones. She is a great addition to RIH


336.768.3335 30 NaturalTriad.com


Struggling With Feelings of Sadness or Depression?


We are conducting a research study


on how depression affects the heart. Quali- fi ed participants (determined by an inter- view) will receive at least $85 in cash. The research measures the heart’s


activity with sensors on the skin. Part 1 (2 hours at UNCG) involves completing some computer tasks and surveys while wearing a heart monitor. Part 2 involves wearing a portable heart monitor for a day while completing short tablet surveys.


English-speaking adults 18-45 may be eligible. People are NOT eligible if they take an- tidepressants, are pregnant, have diabetes or any heart condition, or take certain other medications.


If interested, call or text (336) 317-5799 or e-mail eddlab@uncg.edu.


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