through. If you can, try to avoid lashing out at others because of these emotions. Anger can be healthy if you handle it the right way. It can help motivate you to take action, find out more,or make positive changes in your life. But if these feelings persist and you remain angry at those around you, seek help from a counselor or other mental health professional.


Grief. You may be mourning the loss of what you hold most


dear—your loved one’s health or the life you had with each other before. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve these losses. It takes time to work through and accept all the changes that are occurring.


Guilt. Feeling guilty is a common reaction for caregivers.


You may worry that you aren’t helping enough, or that your work or distance from your loved one is getting in the way. You may even feel guilty that you’re healthy. Or you may feel guilty for not acting upbeat or cheerful. But know that it’s okay. You have reasons to feel upset, and hiding these feelings may keep other people from understanding your needs.


Anxiety and depression. Anxiety means you have extra


worry, you can’t relax, you feel tense, or you have panic attacks. Many people worry about how to pay bills, how the cancer will affect the family, and of course, how their loved one is doing. Depression is a persistent sadness that lasts more than two weeks. If any of these symptoms start affecting your ability to function normally, talk with your health care provider. Don’t think that you need to tough it out without any help. There are ways your symptoms can be eased during this hard time.


Hope or hopelessness. You may feel hope or hopelessness


to different degrees throughout your loved one’s cancer treatment. And what you hope for may change over time. You may hope for a cure most of all. But you may also hope for other things, such as comfort, peace, acceptance, and joy. If you’re not able to get rid of a feeling of hopelessness, talk to a trusted family member, friend, health provider, or spiritual or faith leader. As a caregiver, feelings of hope can get you through the next 5 minutes or the next 5 days.


Loneliness. You can feel alone in your role as a caregiver,


even if you have lots of people around you. It’s easy to feel like no one understands what you’re going through. You may feel lonely because you have less time to see people and do things that you used to. Whatever your situation, you aren’t alone. Other caregivers share your feelings.


Other Ways to Cope Let go of mistakes. You can’t be perfect. No one is. The best


we can do is to learn from our mistakes and move on. Continue to do the best you can. And try not to expect too much from yourself.


Cry or express your feelings. You don’t have to be upbeat


all the time or pretend to be cheerful. Give yourself time to cope with all the changes you’re going through. It’s okay to cry and show that you are sad or upset.


MAY 2017 23


Put your energy into the things that matter to you. Focus


on the things you feel are worth your time and energy. Let the other things go for now. For example, don’t fold the clothes when you’re tired. Go ahead and take time to rest.


Understand where anger comes from. Your loved one may


get angry with you. It’s very common for people to direct their feelings at those who are closest. Their stress, fears, and worries may come out as anger. Try not to take it personally. Sometimes patients don’t realize the effect their anger has on others. So it may help to share your feelings with them when they’re calm. Try to remember that the anger isn’t really about you.


Forgive yourself. This is one of the most important things


you can do. Chances are that you are doing what you can at this moment. Each new moment and day gives you a new chance to try again.


Be Prepared for Some People to Say No Sometimes people may not be able to help. This may hurt


your feelings or make you angry. It may be especially hard com- ing from people that you expected help from. You might wonder why someone wouldn’t offer to help you. Some common reasons are:


•Some people may be coping with their own problems, or a may not have the time.


• They are afraid of cancer or may have already had a bad experience with cancer. They don’t want to get involved and feel pain all over again.


Ends 5/31/17


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