• Some people believe it’s best to keep a distance when people are struggling.


• Sometimes people don’t realize how hard things really are for you. Or they don’t understand that you need help un- less you ask them for it directly.


• Some people feel awkward because they don’t know how to show they care.


If someone isn’t giving you the help


you need, you may want to talk to them and explain your needs. Or you can just let it go. But if the relationship is important, you may want to tell the person how you feel. This can help prevent resentment or stress from building up. These feelings could hurt your relationship in the long run.


Ways to Nurture Yourself


Take Stock of Your Own Feelings. Giving yourself an outlet for your own thoughts and feelings is important. Think about what would help lift your spirits. Would talking with others help ease your load? Or would you rather have quiet time by yourself? Maybe you need both, depend- ing on what’s going on in your life. It’s helpful for you and others to know what you need.


Find Comfort. Your mind needs a break from the demands of caregiving. Think about what gives you comfort or helps you relax. Caregivers say that even a few minutes a day without interruptions


helps them to cope and focus. Take 15–30 minutes each day to do


something for yourself, no matter how small it is. For example, caregivers often find that they feel less tiredand stressed after light exercise. Try to make time for taking a walk, going for a run, or doing gentle stretches. You may find that its hard to relax


even when you have time for it. Some caregivers find it helpful to do execises designed to help you relax, such as stretching or yoga. Other relaxing ac- tivities include taking deep breaths or just sitting still.


Join a Support Group. Support groups can meet in person, by phone, or over the Internet. They may help you gain new insights into what is happening, get ideas about how to cope, and help you know that you’re not alone. In a support group, people may talk about their feelings, trade advice, and try to help others who are dealing with the same kinds of issues. Some people like to go and just listen. And others prefer not to join support groups at all. Some people aren’t com- fortable with this kind of sharing. If you can’t find a group in your area,


ty a support group on the Internet. Some caregivers say websites with support groups have helped them a lot.


Talk to a Counselor. You may be feeling overwhelmed and feel like talking to someone outside your inner circle of support. Some caregivers find it helpful to talk to a counselo, social worker,


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psychologist or other mental health pro- fessional. Others also find it helpful to turn to a leader in their faithor spiritual community. All may be able to help you talk about things that you don’t feel you can talk about with your loved one or others around you. You also might find- ways of expressing your feelings and learn ways of coping that you hadn’t thought of before.


Connect with Your Loved One. Illness may bring you and your loved one to- gether more than ever before. Often people become closer as they face chal- lenges together. If you can, take time to share special moments with one another. Try to gain strength from all you are go- ing through together, and what you have dealt with so far. This may help you move toward the the future with a positive outlook and feelings of hope.


Connect with Others. Studies show that connecting with other people is very important to most caregivers. It’s espe- cially helpful when you feel over- whelmed or want to say things that you can’t say to your loved one. Try to find someone you can really open up to about yourfeelings or fears. You may find it helpful to talk withsomeone outside the situation. Also, it may help to have an informal network of people to con- tact, either by phone or in person. But if you’re concerned about a caregiving issue, you may want to talk with your loved one’s doctor. Knowledge can help reduce fears.


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