Page 6 Death Cafe Costa Blanca
On Wednesday 23rd of November 2016, history was made on the Costa Blanca for the expatriate community. In a cosy cafe setting at The Clubhouse Restaurant in Ciudad Quesada, Rojales, the very first Death Cafe in English was held on mainland Spain.
The event was organised by Denise Fruehauf Washbourne (pictured left), a civil celebrant, and sponsored by Grupo ASV Funeral Services. Months of planning and preparation took place to really make sure the Death Cafe was something spectacular that people would remember. The turnout was great. Denise, Antonio and the ASV team made sure everyone felt welcome and all of their questions were answered.
But who exactly are Grupo ASV and what is a Death Cafe? Grupo ASV was founded in 1928. In 1987 they opened their very first funeral parlour, which at the time was the 10th largest in Spain. Today Grupo ASV are one of the largest funeral services groups in Spain especially in the regions of Andalusia and Levante, helping over 20.000 families every year with dignity, humility and respect. (
www.grupoasvserviciosfunerarios.com)
A Death Cafe is a non-profit get together where the participants talk about death over a coffee and a cake. The people who attend 'Death Cafes' are not obsessed with dying, they just want to meet up and talk about something which, let's face it, will happen to us all eventually. The idea originates from a man called Bernard Crettaz a Swiss sociologist who organised the first ever “Cafe Mortel" in 2004, with the idea of breaking the “tyrannical secrecy” surrounding the topic of death.
The idea of a Death Cafe was brought to the attention of Antonio the Director of Grupo ASV for the Vega Baja region, by the Costa Blanca most popular Civil Funeral Celebrant Denise Fruehauf Washbourne. Denise has learnt through working with bereaved families, the difficulties many people face understanding how the funeral system works here in Spain, with so many misconceptions surrounding funerals with the expatriate community. The civil ceremonies Denise performs are ones with a difference. Her ceremonies are performed to the families or the individuals’ desires and makes each and every one personalised to celebrate the life of the deceased.
Both Denise and Antonio wanted to reach out to expatriates all over the Costa Blanca who shared doubts about what actually happens to us here in Spain when we pass. What happens to our bodies, and how will our families cope without speaking the lingo. With so many rumours flying around our expatriate community, such as; we must be cremated within 48 hours of passing; and questions like “can we as expatriates donate our organs abroad?”, the Death Cafe Costa Blanca was created to settle these uncertainties, and make people feel relaxed about what exactly will happen when the day comes.
At 11am the doors opened and people began piling in. The turnout was overwhelming with everyone excited to see exactly what was on the “menu”. Within minutes of grabbing their complimentary coffee and cake, people were finding their table and opening up to
each other about this thing called “death” that we all hate talking about. There were smiles and laughter from almost every table. Both Antonio and Denise took it in turns to visit every table and talk to people about their individual worries and questions, while encouraging them to write them down on the note pads that had been provided for the Q & A session being held at the end of the morning.
The Death Cafe Menu was placed on the table to help people feel more comfortable knowing where to start on this “taboo” subject. Suggestions on the menu consisted of questions like “Is there such a thing as a good funeral?”, “Religious or Civil Ceremony?”, “What clothes shall I be buried in?” and suggested talking subjects like leaving your loved ones a note or letter, and your wish list. To end there was a Q & A session for anyone wanting to ask anything that might have been brought up over the morning. Nicole, a career woman in her early 30s, was glad to have found correct and professional answers to give to her clients. Susan, a retired woman in her 60s, was not sure exactly what would happen to her ashes when she passed and if her family could eventually be able to fly them over to UK. Antonio informed that Grupo ASV could arrange everything for her family so they would not have to worry about anything.
I myself had always wondered how I would go about donating my organs after death. And this was one of the questions that was asked. I was surprised even this was a very simple process. If we visit our local hospital they can provide us with a donor card.
QF Focus Magazine
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