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It’s very hard for you on top of everything else that you have to cope with.
However, try not to take it personally. Try to understand your child’s feelings of dislocation and try and take a positive view. How do you allow your child
to express themselves, however negative the emotion? What ways do you allow your child to let go of hurt feelings and resentment? How do you handle the anger and accusations? Do you argue back, or leave it until she’s calm and in a more receptive mood? What are the long-term disadvantages to ‘slagging off’ your ex partner. How might this damage your relationship with your child? Will it help if you didn’t see it as a competition?
Positive Parent Top Tip However bitter you may feel toward your ex, however hard you may find it to forgive, think about the benefits of maintaining a degree of civility with them. You will not be able to control what your ex partner does or says but you can control your own actions. If your partner continues to use your children as pawns, your best move is to refuse to play chess! The greatest temptation, particularly if your partner is behaving obnoxiously, is to return like with like. But what are you teaching your children?
It can be a lonely and confusing place for children during this difficult time. Just like bereavement, healing is not linear, so it can take however long it takes! Here are some Positive Parent Top Tips that have been drawn from the
36 Divorced parents |
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experience of mums and dads who have had broken relationships.
1. If at all possible, be positive about your ex partner. Tell your child that you both of you love him.
2. Don’t criticise your ex to your children - keep in mind that it’s their mum or dad you’re talking about.
3. Leave photos of the missing parent around, use their name. It’s important that your ex is still part of your child’s life.
4. Encourage your child to keep in contact with the non-resident parent. Show respect by sending them a birthday card.
5. Try to encourage your child to see her mum or dad. Try to encourage the relationship, or at least keep the doors open for better things to come.
6. Don’t use your child as a messenger or a spy.
7. Discuss with your ex about Christmas, weekends, and who’s going to have who and when.
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Sue Atkins is a Parenting Expert, Writer, Speaker, Broadcaster and Parenting Coach & Mum as well as the author of the Amazon best selling books “Parenting Made Easy
WEBSITE:
sueatkinsparentingcoach.com
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