www.divorcedparents.co.uk
and travel. Singles holidays can be a fantastic opportunity to visit new places with the security of being in a group.
● Don’t be surprised if family and friends find it difficult and initially take sides. Avoid immediately crossing people off your Christmas card list. If you and your ex can resolve issues then, in time, it’s possible for you both to be invited to the same events.
● Do behave appropriately with children, even if they are adults. Hearing a parent criticise the other is difficult for a child whatever age, particularly if he/she shares some of that parent’s characteristics.
● Don’t rush into a new relationship just because your ex has. We all know what they say about rebound relationships! This is particularly important if you have had a very long relationship. You may well have acquired set expectations, and then, if it does not work, feel inadequate - it really isn’t your fault.
● Do ensure you get good advice when it comes to dealing with financials.
● Don’t assume you must stay in the family home - whatever cost. There may well be happy memories, but surrounding yourself with these can make it harder to move on. In old age you may well be happier with a smaller, more practical, property. People often assume they should keep bedrooms for children and grandchildren visiting, but if you really look at the cost, you may well find it would be cheaper (and preferable for them(!)) to take them away, eg to Centreparcs, once a year, using
16 Divorced parents |
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the costs saved by having a smaller property.
● Do get proper pensions’ advice. The rules, under which either spouse could claim a basic state pension based on their ex’s National Insurance contribution record, should that be better than their own, are proposed to be withdrawn for all pensions commencing April 2016. Both you and your ex need a forecast of state pension entitlement to take into account when sharing other pensions built up during the marriage.
● Don’t become obsessed with what your ex is doing. Social media makes it easy to keep track of people leading to more resentment and anger.
● Do think about doing voluntary/ charity work to not only benefit the community, but also distract you and provide a sense of purpose.
Finally and most importantly - think about how you are going to resolve issues with your ex. Just because your children may be grown up doesn’t mean they will find it any easier if you have an acrimonious battle and spend a significant chunk of their future inheritance on lawyers. As a mediator and collaborative lawyer, I would always recommend trying to resolve things out of court. It’s easier for family and friends if you can do so, and hopefully enables you to be photographed together at the grandchildren’s christenings!
Kirstie Law is a partner in the family team at Thomson Snell & Passmore
www.ts-p.co.uk. Further articles can be found on her blog
klawfamilylaw.blogspot.com.
PHOTO: CHIP GALLENT
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