PHOTO: SUZY MILLER
www.divorcedparents.co.uk Suzy Miller
Are the kids alright? N
ever underestimate the fury and anger that overcomes people who are going through divorce. Their rage makes them go a little crazy. It also makes them forget about their children - and do immeasurable harm. So when someone is in the ‘anger’ stage of divorce, you may not be able to help them much - but you may be able to help their kids.
How can you help? Don’t just stand by when you see the kids are being used as weapons in the divorce battle. In a divorce survey by Mischcon de Reya, one in five parents said that their primary objective during separation is to make the experience “as unpleasant as possible” for their former spouse. Half of the parents involved said that they had sought a day in court to haggle over residency arrangements despite knowing it made matters worse for their children. It’s so hard to speak your mind when you feel that you may get the fury of an angry family member or work colleague unleashed upon you - but hurling blame
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You might not want to get involved in someone else’s divorce, but some gentle intervention might be necessary for the children’s sake
at them is not what I’m suggesting. Just something like “Hey, I can see you’re really angry at the moment - but your kids matter more than getting back at your Ex, don’t they? So I want to support you in keeping your eye on what really matters here - which is making this divorce less damaging to your children than it needs to be. Don’t let your anger at your Ex be greater than your love for your children.” Experienced Parenting Experts and Communication Experts - people who can offer support and useful training in how to deal with an Ex – are available for free initial conversations via the Alter- native Divorce Directory. (
www.AlternativeDivorceDirectory.co.uk) So discouraging divorcing friends and colleagues from dissing their Ex – espe- cially in earshot of their children – and directing them away from adversarial lawyers, are simple ways open to all of us, which support the parents and children of those who are experiencing divorce and family breakup.
Suzy Miller is the Alternative Divorce Guide and the creator of the Divorce First Aid programme.
Www.AlternativeDivorceGuide.com
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