www.divorcedparents.co.uk
if you love yourself first. This can be a challenge for many men in our society – men are often expected to be stoic and not reveal any vulnerability. But for men who are coming out of a divorce, self- love is the first step to getting your life back where you want it to be. There are many ways that men can
create an atmosphere of self-love by surrounding themselves with family and friends and people that inspire, empower and motivate them, so they can heal and focus on the positive goal which is to eventually find their next loving relationship. We as men will often go through
many emotional phases after a divorce, such as:
Playing the field: finding sexual conquests or numerous casual sex partners – relationships which might gratify us physically, but do not contain the intimacy we truly need in the long- term
Seeking revenge: engaging in contentious court battles or otherwise making life unnecessarily difficult for our ex-wives – even if we are justified in feeling angry toward our ex-wives, we ultimately hurt our children and undermine our own emotional recovery by acting maliciously toward the ex- wife.
Being on the rebound: “rebound relationships” can be dangerous because we might quickly fall into a seemingly “easy” relationship with the next woman we develop feelings for, to the point that we might feel that she has replaced the ex-wife. Problem
38 Divorced parents |
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Relationship Coach of the Year 2013
solved, right? Wrong. Falling too quickly into a serious relationship – no matter how good it seems – might only set you up for another failed relationship – or worse, another failed marriage. Before you get into a serious
relationship, as a man, you need to take time to heal from your divorce, mourn for the lost relationship, learn and take accountability for what you could do differently next time, and finally start to grow again as an individual. Most importantly, men need to take full responsibility of what happened on your part to contribute to the divorce – by moving from an attitude of “anger and blame” to “personal responsibility and integrity,” you will open up a process to help the emotional hurt to heal quicker and also enable yourself to be ready to love again.
Des O’Connor trains people to become relationship experts. Endorsed by the Association of Professional Coaches
academyofrelationshipcoaching.com
PHOTO: ED WALKLER
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