ONE MINUTE MOORE RANDALL MOORE
SORRY? Who cares?
I figure by the end of this column I’ll be issuing an apology. Seems like
the thing to do these days. I’m sorry. Drives me crazy. Two DJs pull a stunt on the Royal Family. Kind of backfires. I’m sorry. Lance Armstrong. Manti Te’o. When will it stop? So a cyclist cheats. Who cares! I mean, he rides a bike! Manti Te’o. Had never heard of him until...wait...what? Exactly. I forget too. Because it doesn’t matter. Like none of these pointless apologies matter. Some senator cracks a joke about a First Nations chief gaining weight while on a so-called hunger strike. Another apology. Why? Better yet, who’s demanding all these apologies? I’m not, you’re not... then who? Not my pub friends, that’s for sure. My pub friends. An
extended family. The characters. They laugh at the self- righteous crowd. They get it. Sorry? Get over it, suck it up! And you over there pretending to be offended... REALLY? At the Carleton, The Prescott, the Main Street Pub! No Oprah in here my friend, just redneck Jimmy and he don’t
take too kindly to the cryin’ type, if you know what I mean. That’s good, I don’t either. Nor do I plan on saying I’m sorry.
***
I received an invitation to the 30th anniversary of a radio station I used to work for. Yeah, 30 years I’ve been at this game. Longer, actually. So sure, I’m feeling old. And fat. And all the rest that comes with being on the ‘back nine’. Started going to a gym. Love the sauna. The rest − not so much. But I’m encouraged. I notice other people are getting old and fat, too. Like the old high school friend I ran into at the mall. He was
the good-looking jock all the guys wanted to be like and all girls wanted to be with. You know the type. Anyway, hadn’t seen him in years and I didn’t recognize him. His gut is bigger
than mine and he’s bald! Had a good laugh over that one. Bald! No wonder people wear name tags at high school reunions. I ran into a girl I had the hots for in Grade 10 and she starts showing me pictures. Not of the night we got drunk together on lemon gin...oh no. She’s passing around pictures of
her...grandchildren! Oh, they’re so cute, I lied. Then I realized. We were all lying.
70 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
www.bounder.ca
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