RED GREEN
RED GREEN
www.redgreen.com
To sleep, perchance to SURVIVE
injury, you realize that me sleeping on the couch is the safest, smartest investment of my time and financial resources. And as soon as my wife remembers
some of my other waking nocturnal interests, she will agree whole-heartedly.
MY ANTI-HERO When I was growing up, movies and
television provided us with a lot of heroes. Men who always did the right thing at the right time. Men who were honest and true and fought for justice and “the American way.” These were ideals, and it’s good to have someone like that to look up to, someone who gives you a goal to strive for. However, when we fall short of
the mark and pale by comparison with these icons, that can make us look bad, especially in the eyes of our wives. That’s when you need to go the other
I’ve been falling asleep on the couch a
lot lately. My wife is not impressed and, to be honest, it’s a habit that I used to criticize my own father for. However, like so many faults I’ve seen in others, now that I’m doing it myself, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much. In fact, I would say falling asleep at seemingly inopportune times, or just being tired for no reason, are signs of great maturity. A few short years ago, instead of
falling asleep, I’d be up and active well into the evening, fixing the stove or replacing a roof shingle or plumbing a sink. So when you add up the cost in terms of money spent to have a professional repair my repair, and, of course, time lost due to
28 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
way. You need to introduce the anti- hero into your spouse’s life. Let her see someone on television who’s way worse than you are. Someone who will make your indiscretion seem harmlessly trivial. If you’re in minor trouble, a couple of
episodes of “Judge Judy” might do it. If you’re in the deep stuff, you may have to watch “Cops” or even “America’s Most Wanted.” All you need to do is to expose your
wife to three men who are worse than you, and you’re off the hook. If that can’t be done, maybe it’s time to
turn yourself in.
MIDLIFE JOB PERKS In every job there are little extras that make the position more desirable. For some it’s a signing bonus, for others it’s a title.
www.bounder.ca
Quote of the Day “Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”
– Red Green
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