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I hate it when my parents are right! By Steve Pratt • www.MoreKidsThanSuitcases.com


I didn’t embark on our first cruise with the highest of expectations. To me, cruises were a vacation that my parents raved about and thus, by association, must be immensely boring. I envisioned having to eat at a table with strangers, suffering through a preselected dinner of food I


didn’t like. I thought that


the entertainment would consist of a passenger-run talent show, probably one completely devoid of talent once my chance to perform had passed. Most of all, I thought my kids would be completely bored and that I’d have to spend my days sitting by the pool with them, until bedtime finally arrived around nine o’clock.


A week on the Mexican Riviera however, has convinced us that a cruise might be our perfect vacation option. I think it was on the second day, somewhere between our mid-morning meal and lunch that I realized the food wasn’t going to be a problem. All your standard foods such as hamburgers, chicken strips, or pizza,


were available around the clock, but the key was to minimize your grazing so you would have room for the amazing dinners. Choosing between Three Cheese Lobster Macaroni or the Asian Short Ribs is an impossible task, but those of us with true culinary street smarts know that the phrase “One of each!” was created for exactly these kinds of tough situations. Don’t try that phrase at the dessert buffet though. You’ll never walk again.


Satisfied with the food situation, I turned my attention to saving the talent show. I gave a quick once-over to my fellow shipmates while we were waiting to board, but none of them looked particularly talented, so I was resigning myself to the fact that I might be required to perform all seven nights when I noticed that there was already scheduled entertainment. In fact, there was lots of it. The main showroom featured three musicals, a comedian and a hypnotist, all of whom belonged in the world of large theatres and high ticket prices. A first run movie filled the last night, and relieved me of the need to break out any of my dance moves or vocal stylings. I’ll confess that I was a little disappointed, but my wife looked outright relieved. I guess she didn’t want me working too hard on my vacation. She’s so thoughtful.


Still, the passenger’s loss would be my children’s gain as now I could spend all my time entertaining my kids, if I could find them. It seems cruise ships have these things called “kids clubs”, which as far as I can tell are glorified versions of my children’s bedrooms. Filled with computers, video game systems and comfy chairs, these clubs gave my kids exactly what they wanted - a choice between


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organized activities or hanging out with their peers. Most importantly the clubs provided somewhere they could go to get away from their parents. We would encounter them occasionally playing dodge ball on the sports deck or making cookies in the ship’s kitchen, but a brief wave was the only acknowledgement we got. I even had to insist that the kids join us for dinner one night so that the waiters would believe that we were an actual family and that I hadn’t just ordered five meals for myself at each sitting.


With all of my concerns about cruising dealt with, what was left for me to do? I was well fed, completely entertained and my kids were having the time of their lives - so I got to relax. Sure I could have taken a beer tasting class, participated in game shows, or hit up the sports court, but this was my chance to kick back, take it easy and for once come home from a vacation in better shape than I started out in. It was easily the most relaxing vacation I’ve ever taken and one that everybody in our family is very anxious to repeat. Just don’t tell my parents. Telling them they were right will take all that relaxation away.


SPRING 2012 | 33


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