Harold & Ethel. Ethel:
I’ve
just
signed up for the senior exercise class at the village hall every Tuesday. Harold: What do you have to do ? Ethel: Just turn up on Tuesday wearing some loose fitting clothes. Harold: If you had any loose fitting clothes you wouldn’t need to sign up in the first place.
I no longer see the wife and kids, it`s all down to of gambling. I won a shed full of money and left the Country.
What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!...
A drunk goes to court. The judge says, ‘You’ve been brought here for drinking.’ The drunk says, ‘Great. Let’s get started.’
Jack High. The Final Month. The Hyndburn & District Bowling League season has drawn to a close and the Merit competition has kept the interest of bowlers right up to the finish. The Division 1 competition finished with a clear winner in J. Whittaker of the Globe Bowling Club who finished 32 points ahead of second place where team mates C. Ramell & M. Yerkess of Rishton Free Gardeners, were separated by only one point in second & third place respectively. The Division 2 table was lead by two Sydney St. bowlers, M. Saules, who took first place from A. Andrews. In third place was M. Burtonwood of Whalley Bowling Club. The 3rd Division had the closest finish with only 8 points separating the first three places. G. Parfitt of Sabden Bowling Club managed to hold on to first place despite losing her last game of the season and her two opponents winning their games by large scores. G. Broderick of Milnshaw Park took second place with V. Towler of Waddington in third place just 3 points behind. In the 4th Division B. Duckworth of Gt Harwood CC was in first place followed by J. Cooper of Sabden in second and H. Whyatt of Oakhill Pk in third place. Our thanks go to the The Local Herald for supporting the Merit Competition and we can all take a brake until next season, see you then.
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, deep lingering, passionate kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
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Just found out my Grandad was half Irish and half Chinese.
His mates called him Pat Noodle.
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Private Hire Established 1975 New Cars Plus 8 Seater Mini Bus
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