Letting Go Life
Letting Go
So how can you foster independence, ensure your child is safe and behaving responsibly, and, when is the right time to let them go? Your child’s first sleepover is an exciting experience for them but some can be nervous. Te most successful are those well prepared for in advance. Find out about the family and who will be there. Be satisfied that your child is safe. Judy Reith, director of Parenting People, advises: “Your attitude is important. Be upbeat and positive. Tell the other parent if there is anything they need to know, like fear of the dark.” Not all families have the same boundaries: unlimited access to television, DVDs and the internet may not be the norm in your home but they could be in the friend’s home. If you feel strongly about what your child could be watching, talk to the parents. Older teens may reassure you that parents will be there but they may not be being completely truthful, so check yourself. Discussing possible scenarios with
L
your child is important. Your aim is to foster independence and this includes teaching them to say no when it involves something they are not comfortable with: this is equally applicable, whether they are six or 16. Reith recalls how her daughter was terrified at one sleepover by friends telling ghost stories. “I wished she’d had the confidence to say how she felt,” she says. You may relish the prospect of a peaceful
evening when your child is away but this is not the best night for a boozy dinner party, when you might get a call to collect a weepy child at any time. If you do go out, make sure the family has all your contact details. And don’t make any plans for the following day, advises Mandy Gutsell,
www.firstelevenmagazine.co.uk
etting go, whether it’s your child’s first sleepover, a trip to Newquay or a six-month stint on a gap year, is never easy. But it has to be faced.
Whether it’s a sleepover or a gap year getaway, giving your child their independence is never easy, says Glynis Kozma
director of Know Limits Coach, “your child probably won’t sleep much _ and neither will you.” Afterwards, remember to praise a nervous child for being so brave. But sleepovers will seem like a walk in the park when your teens announce a trip to Newquay, conjuring up media stories involving alcohol, water and 80ft cliffs. Cathy is the mother of three sons in their late teens and early twenties who have all holidayed alone, including Newquay and has a few tips for parents. She advises them to ensure the group is kept small, which is easier for arranging transport and avoiding arguments. Another mother, Judy suggests meeting the other parents and making sure
“ Sleepovers will seem like a walk in the park when your
teens announce they want to go to… Newquay!”
you all share the same expectations. “Teens desperately want to be trusted. Don’t preach to them, but ask them what they think _ their answers may surprise you.” But, she cautions, “they are not adults. If you think they are not mature enough, say so. If they have never been away alone before and want to go abroad, suggest a UK holiday as a compromise.” Set reasonable expectations on contact, whether this is a daily text, or a quick “I’ve arrived”. Most teens will not thank you for being plagued day and night. When my 19 year-old cycled from Land’s End to John O’Groats, we agreed on a daily evening call. Cathy suggests thinking carefully about accommodation. “Camping offers more freedom, but what happens when it rains?” In her experience, small hotels offer more security, with safety-conscious owners,
CCTV cameras and zero tolerance for rowdiness. If teens are driving themselves, remind them how long alcohol stays in the body and talk about different scenarios. What would they do if someone was ill or had an accident? Do they know basic first aid? Can they budget for the unexpected? Do they have back-up telephone numbers? Naomi Richards, parent coach and
owner of Te Kids Coach, suggests that you share your own personal experiences _ including the mistakes you made! As well as being aware of personal safety, such as not going out alone at night in a strange town, she advocates building up your child’s self- esteem so they have the confidence to say no to situations they feel are dangerous. Gutsell acknowledges that teenagers
do have to make their own mistakes. “If you hold on to them too tightly, you may get ‘kick back’ later on.” Everyone agreed that it’s important to stay positive, after all the next step is the gap year – almost certainly involving several months away. It’s a fantastic way to experience new cultures and foster independence but it’s not for everyone – so don’t pressure them into it against their will. If they do want to go encourage them to plan the trip themselves, but check they have covered things like insurance, vaccinations and safety issues and laws in their destination countries. Judy says: “Be sure you know their
itinerary and keep in touch using email and Skype.” Gutsell suggests providing them with an emergency fund in case they need to get home fast. And, finally, for parents to keep themselves busy while they are away and to be positive. Letting go is not easy but be brave, wave them off with a smile and a big hug, and don’t worry. Tey will be back, a bit older and wiser _ with memories to share and… a suitcase full of dirty washing.
Summer 2011 FirstEleven 67
PHOTOS: ISTOCK
✎
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84