SEnine
Organic Weather Within
the muddy mind of Herbaceous, the
year’s diary is quite different to that of normal folk.
Based on a mixture of superstition, half truth and shovelfuls of self-styled nonsense, the official names of the days and months bear little significance.
Pinned up on his potting shed wall are the dates of long-forgotten festivals such as ‘Plough Monday’, ‘St Basil’s Day’ and even ‘Slack Chapel Anniversary’ plus a variety of hieroglyphics, worthy of the finest cave dweller.
It would no doubt cause puzzlement if found by some future generation of historians so, for sake of posterity, an explanation needs to be recorded.
On the yellowing chart, the first entry is for Boxing Day, beside which there is a pencil drawing of a knobbly ball, something the Old Man tells me it meant to represent a shallot.
The final entry reads Michaelmas Day which is followed by a very similar but slightly more knobbly ball, apparently a blackberry.
In a column all down the right hand side, there are the various waxing and
waning profiles of the moon.
Up above is a black and white picture of a man he tells me is Bill Foggitt, long-time amateur weather forecaster, whose methods relied on observations the natural world, the friskiness of sheep and recumbence or otherwise of cattle.
Sprinkled liberally around his trestle table are Foggett’s recommended tools of the trade; pine cones, seaweed and a ball of wool yarn, objects given altar-like significance.
Boxing Boxing Day ay An Given Day Any Give Da Fa h Fattheers Dar Day Ploughg Oak Appl Da Oa Apple Day QueeensQu ens B riirthdathday StSt Basiill’s as Th Othee Da
YeYeststerer Day Miichaeelma
Sla
S ackSllack C a ay
Cha Ch The Oth r Day hapeellpel Anniiver ary’ Anniversary nivers M cha lmas Day ay rsary ’s Day ay
His mumbled incantations help to translate. ‘Don’t pick asparagus after St Basil’s Day’, ‘Plant root crops on a waning moon’; ‘Put out your tomatoes on Oak Apple Day’ all plucked from country lore. The highly personal ‘Plant out your runner beans after Slack Chapel Anniversary’ is, however, pure Herbaceous.
The Family Business that still offers a personal service W. UDEN & SONS LTD
FAMILY FUNERAL DIRECTORS ESTABLISHED 1881
Covering all areas Pre-paid Funerals Monumental Masons
Private Chapels of Rest 24 Hour Service
Branches also at:
Petts Wood, Dulwich, Forest Hill, Sidcup,
In the care of Nicholas & Matthew Uden New Cross & Camberwell
51 - 53 Passey Place, Eltham SE9 5DA Tel: 020 8850 2868
Never stop trying 39 Plou h Mondanday
The purpose of the mumbo-jumbo in this shrine is to inform the Old Man precisely when he should be seeding, planting and picking the crops on his allotment to maximise their growth and abundance, without risking them to the elements of late and early frosts, chill winds and drought.
HERBACEOUS
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