B
eth sat quietly as she recalled her recent conversation with her professional friend, Wendy. She could still feel the emotional pain from the words she spoke to her friend of a recent heated disagreement with her husband, Jim. Those thoughts brought to the surface an unexpected, internal resentment that went way beyond anger. Beth recognized that vile feeling from a long time ago. She had told Wendy, “That feeling deep in my soul is like My Dark Shadow". Beth was referring to dormant, re- pressed emotions that had been buried in her subconscious, emotional being from previous marital disagreements. In the character of believing she was letting that anger and resentment go, she internally stuffed the “culprit”, promising herself she would soon deal with those emotions. Beth recalled how when talking with Wendy, her former words echoed, “Wow, I’ve done that a number of times, many couples have it worse”. During their conversation, Wendy
told Beth about a celebrated psy- chologist, Carl Jung and of his declara- tion, “That which we don’t confront within, we will meet as fate”. Wendy also noted that the elemen- tary rule of confrontation is that avoiding confrontation today creates a bigger problem tomorrow, and it will fester in your soul until you deal with it. Let’s take a look at Beth’s 'shadow' - what it is and how it limits happiness and attempts to control success. We all have a 'shadow'. It is a weaving of one’s repressed unhealthy emotional reactions to distressing events that occur in life. These dormant emotions encompass fear, anger, resentment, grief, hatred, depres- sion and toxic shame, etc. If ignored, they become housed in one’s subconscious mind and they become lethal in the physical, emo- tional and mental levels of our soul. • Without realizing it, later during a given disagreement, a per- son’s emotional state can become distressed; (toxic emotional flare up). Their behavior may change rapidly; they may even begin “acting out” with out understanding why. • If not dealt with in a timely manner, “The Shadow” can drive a toxic wedge in your relationships; (transference).
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March 2011 37
Wendy explained to Beth, “When
avoiding facing “The Shadow” (the problem), it becomes charged with subconscious toxicity and your inter- nal condition becomes out of bal- ance; you give it a license to reoccur and you feel disconnected”. (That is UNTIL you consciously decide to use your courage and defeat it and cause its demise). She went on to say, “When you
Shadow
The Dark
use your courage and face it head on, you can heal; when you get in touch with emotional toxicity, you identify it and you have an opportunity to release those subconscious and inter- nal blocks. You are able to then gener- ate internal fulfillment and wholeness. You are also able to stand strong in all that faces you and you’re able to re- build your relationship into what you desire.” Wendy knew from years of friendship, that Beth did not like to confront people; she had unfortu- nately learned well and lived her mother’s words, “Confrontation is a bad thing – leave it alone and it will die.”
So many of us can relate to what Beth was going through;
we’ve heard our family members express similar words. Unfortu- nately, many people believe confrontation is a “bad” thing. What they fail to miss is that when they avoid confrontation—or feel they can’t deal with their problem head on—they don’t get to strength- en their breastplate of courage. Confrontation provides humans with leverage and a mutual understanding of beneficial boundar- ies. It is also a healthy vehicle in which people can move away from their perception of “darkness” housed in their subconscious mind. The courage to confront requires (and allows) you to deal with
what is before you and tell your truth with compassion. The cour- age to confront allows you to improve relationships, heighten your self esteem and sharpen your communication and relationship skills. Beginning with smaller issues enables you to confront larger matters more confidently and successfully. To help move you in this direction more easily, it will require: • being willing to challenge your routine thinking and having
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