youthful thinking
by rikki bower
The Supreme Court’s decision to uphold the ban on same sex marriage was
not shocking to me. After all, it is the high court’s job to uphold the will of the
people, and unfortunately, a slim majority of Californians voted to keep marriage
strictly between one man and one woman. This does not mean, however, that I
The honorable
will not do what it takes to win back marriage equality. I am, after all, a gay male
who would someday like to have a piece of paper that states I am legally married
“Mr. So and So.”
to “Mr. So and So.” Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
It is depressing to think that some of my neighbors whom I interact with regu-
larly might have voted “Yes on 8” and might not accept me as a gay man. So, I did
what every sad and broken-hearted member of the LGBT community did: I cried,
I drank, I went clubbing and cried some more. Okay, actually, I did not do any of
those things. I am not even 21-years old yet, so I can’t even go to the bars, but I did
do something!
I am sure that many of you may have received one of those weekly Saturday 10
to 3 Facebook invites from Marriage Equality U.S.A. (MEUSA). Being the informed
college student that I am, I decided to finally check it out. The thought of clipboard
“canvassing” and talking to people I don’t know was a terrifying idea, but I still
went ahead and gave it a try. As I attempted to approach people at Grossmont
Center in El Cajon, asking them their thoughts on same sex marriage or if they
supported marriage equality and the right for two consenting adults to marry
regardless of their gender or orientation, I sweated profusely and my words were
a jumbled mess. Every time I glanced over at my partner, she was the picture of
confidence—cool, calm and relaxed as she floated from person to person. To be
honest, I found it very depressing encountering so many people who didn’t care
to listen and who didn’t want to listen. Of course, there was that one individual
who opposed same sex marriage so much that he made it his mission to inform
me that I was going to hell and that my love is “unnatural.” Despite all of this, my
day of canvassing did a “180” when two ladies both pledged to support marriage
equality and both donated to the cause. They even offered me a hug, provided
some wonderful words of inspiration and thanked me for being out there. This
made all of the nervous and terrified feelings suddenly worth it.
If we want to secure the right to marry, we must show everyone how much it
means to us by volunteering with MEUSA or other similar organizations or by
donating money, space or time. We need to peacefully voice our opinion to as
many people who will listen. We need to reach out to those around us and come
out—if you aren’t already out,come out! I know coming out can be scary but if
you give people a face to connect to this issue, the issue then becomes human
to them. It becomes “Bob” instead of “faggot” or “Margot” instead of “dyke.” I feel
like same sex marriage is still an abstract idea for those who don’t know they have
a gay friend or family member or coworker. While it may be nearly impossible
to change someone who doesn’t support same sex marriage, we can definitely
feedback?
youthfulthinking@ragemonthly.com
touch those who are unsure about the issue or are misinformed. We need to show
how deeply this affects our families. If marching isn’t your thing, try reaching out
to a neighbor, a friend or family member. That is one more person who will think
deep and hard about the issue, and that is progress!
The whole campaign was too polarizing, we want the right to marry and the
right to be allowed the same benefits that married individuals are provided,
nothing else. That piece of paper that says I am legally married to “Mr. So and So”
is something that is important to many people, regardless of their orientation.
In about a decade, hopefully less, we will look back on this and think ,“Wow, why
was same sex marriage banned?” much like how we look back on the ban on
interracial marriage. All we can do now is reach out and show people that we all
essentially are looking to find someone who will love us for us and stay with that
person as long as we can.
30 RAGE monthly | July 2009
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