horoscopes by vera divine
CANCER June 22 – July 23
could take a 48-hour trip to WeHo? Now you can! But
My poor little crabby-cakes. You’ve been run ragged this
whatever you do, do NOT waste this opportunity in
past month, haven’t you? Well, after many weeks of being
front of the boob-tube…or even youtube, for that
pulled, prodded and pressured in every direction, July will
matter! Jennifer Aniston may look like no time
finally present you with a lovely oasis of your own to relax
has passed since her Rachel days, but that’s because
with friends—or that hot new dish you’ve been talking to.
she knows the importance of filling her time with
Believe me, all those “good feelings” you’ve been having
positivity!
about this person are definitely worth further study! And
the best part is, you won’t feel the need to sabotage it with
PISCES February 20 – March 20
any of those pesky “what-ifs.” This mini-vacation will feel as
You’ve been through so much recently that by
natural as Pamela Anderson’s love affair with Courtney
now you must feel like a used mop! Of course your
Love—only with more relaxation and half the vaccines
looks have held up well! But surely you must feel that
needed.
you’re getting stronger and more independent with
each trial. Soon, you’ll be able to handle any role that
life throws at you! Michael Caine wasn’t always such
LEO July 24 – August 23 yourself how important it is to “follow the rules,” so to an A-lister on this side of the pond, you know! A gay
Movin’ on up, are we? I know it was hard for you to speak. But for a wild child like you, that may be too role here, a parody there, and voila! He’s Christian
make much progress last month. Relations were bad, much to ask…even if it’s only for a few days of the Bale’s butler!
your hair was uncooperative and getting a “straight” month. Conforming to society’s monotone ways
answer out of anybody was like pulling teeth! But isn’t what got you this far. You’re quirky and you ARIES March 21 – April 20
now that the smoke has cleared, you’ll be able to follow your own beat—and that’s something to be Hello, my head-butting honey. June gloom may
roar to your heart’s content—and with great results! admired. Take Winona Ryder. She popularized the be over, but will mark a radical departure from May in
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers proved he was king of the goth look in the ‘80s, broke Johnny Depp’s heart in that it will be you seem to still be down in the dumps.
medieval jungle by flexing some bod and bringing the ‘90s and has since broken more than her share of What gives? This could be a far more productive
sexy back to Henry VIII’s royal court. laws since then! And still, she’s endearing enough to month with a faster pace than you think. Aries is an
play Spock’s mother in Star Trek. action sign! So make like David Hyde Pierce and
VIRGO August 24 – September 23 break out of that closet already! You may not have the
At your best, my virginal one, you manage to grace- SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 audience you desire when you do it, but you will have
fully rise above the little details in life to consider Though the month starts out with a full moon, finally ridden yourself of the terrible burden of being
the full wide-angle panoramic view. It’s a quality we Sagittarius, there’s no need for all that howling and mislabeled!
could all benefit from learning. But with you as a yelping you do from your balcony! Oh, you can’t help
teacher, it’s sure to be one heck of a lesson. Just be it. You’ve been called a weirdo, a wacko, an artist…I TAURUS April 21 – May 21
wary of who’s watching you do what. As much as we just think you’re eccentrically cute! Around July 7, Though it may not seem like it yet, you’re beginning
love Lily Tomlin, no one was as surprised as we were you’ll be able to concentrate on a great project with July in the best possible shape. A new situation has
to see her tearing her director a new one on the set of a partner! Just don’t get too many hearts tangled up perhaps taken you by surprise. But don’t sweat it.
I Heart Huckabees! in your wonderful web like that saggy Sagittarian, You’ll learn to handle yourself eventually, For now,
Woody Allen! think about what is deeply important to you and
LIBRA September 24 – October 23 take courageous steps to make your dream a reality.
Looks like Libra lacks the luck on this lunar lull. CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 No matter what doubts you give yourself, it’s a brave
I’m not trying to scare you, but I am hoping to guide Depending on your mindset, happy Cappy, July thing you’re doing, so stick with it! Rarely have you
you through a tentatively tricky thicket. I swear I’ll could go down in your history books as the happi- had such universal outside support behind you! Take
stop the tongue twisters as soon as you promise me est chapter! All across the board, you’ll be glowing advantage of the situation just like Jay Leno did so
something! Be careful what you agree to this month. and everything will inexplicably be clicking. Don’t long ago!
Read between the lines, ask point-blank questions start second-guessing yourself now! This is for real!
and by all means reserve the right to refuse servicing Remember that your attitude on things means ev- GEMINI MAY 22 – JuNE 21
anyone! You may think you can handle your duties, erything. It can make the sweetest success sour. It can Why so conflicted, Gemini? Oh, that’s right. I forgot
but with Pride coming up, you know there will be make the foulest letdown seem like an afterthought. who I was talking to! But still, this is something that
unexpected objects popping up everywhere! Busy Diane Keaton learned this little tidbit in the ‘70s. you really need to let go. There are some things that
girl Gwyneth Paltrow barely has time for anything don’t need your two cents. These things will iron
between publishing her newsletter, decorating AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19 themselves out with or without your obsessing, so
Madonna’s house, appearing on Conan’s Late Show Ever notice how time isn’t exactly linear? One week start paying attention to things you can actually affect,
and over-moisturizing her legs! can drag on forever and another can seemingly pass like volunteering at Pride or lobbying to repeal Prop.
by in mere hours! Well, now is one of those times 8! …or getting your fellow Gemini, Mark Wahlberg,
SCORPIO October 24 – November 22 when you’ll find extra pockets of time to fill. Need a to call me again! You’ve got to start thinking about
As the month begins, it’s natural for you to remind few hours to breeze by the gym? You got it! Wish you others, people!
88 RAGE monthly | July 2009
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