by david vera
community spotlight
ather’s Day may have already passed, but for many gay dads around
F
here, the fun has just begun! Pride season offers a chance to celebrate
those who have successfully formed families against the odds—
people like Larry Moreno, his partner John Armantrout and their two
sons Tristion and Mike.
Like many people who migrate to the coast every year in search of success, Larry
arrived in the classic pursuit of happiness. However, unlike most westward wan-
derers, Larry had previously earned his place here through years of trailblazing
new avenues for HIV patients. Though he always knew he wanted to be a parent,
his priorities changed in 1986 when he was diagnosed with HIV.
“20 years ago, survival and education became my interests,” said Larry. “I moved
from organizing a five-state gay conference to creating bridge counseling for
people with HIV. Ten years later, I started thinking it was time for me to live my
dreams. Then I moved to San Diego, bought a house and a dog. I started working
on myself again and not just surviving. A few years later I met my partner and I truly
believe my life started as it was always intended. I’m very blessed with my three
boys. Even now as he revels in the life he loves, Larry still makes time to volunteer
for Family Matters, the culmination of many smaller LGBT parenting groups that
merged and partnered with The Center. Headed by Jane Schmoll, Family Matters
provides services to approximately 400 LGBT parents and their children. Support
groups and educational opportunities are available for both existing parents
and prospective parents. The group’s website offers membership details at
thecentersd.org/familymatters.php. Filled to the brim with playgroups and other
family-friendly activities, the Family Matters calendar guarantees variety.
Larry Moreno
“I would say the Mission Beach activity was pretty fun,” says Larry of his favorite
Building His dream Family
events. “The second was the skate party. My kids had baseball games so I was all
over the map that day. We are trying to do a camping trip over the summer to
Vail Lake in Temecula! I have to admit that the Family Equality event in the desert
would be my absolute favorite (familyequality.org/events/desert). It is a big
reason I got involved with Family Matters.”
Clearly the demands of fatherhood are matched by the levels of fun and quality
time. But how have these things changed him as a person?
“People say I’m much more rounded, mainly my work friends and life friends. I
find it interesting that my life friends say I’ve always been adaptable and easy go-
ing. My kids—and sometimes my partner—think I’m a tyrant! There are seasons
to being a father. Some seasons you really enjoy and others you muddle your way
through. Through it all you grow together as a family.
I remember thinking I would take Mother’s Day and John would get Father’s
Day to honor each other and give our kids a chance to honor us. Mother’s day
went by with no fanfare. When Father’s Day came around, I had been through so
much with the kids and really knew I was making a difference, and that I deserved
Father’s Day…we deserved Father’s Day!”National holidays are the least of things
to consider when raising children. Given the torrent of controversy that continues
in other parts of the country regarding same-sex couples adopting, Larry and
John haven’t encountered too much turbulence. took John and me about six months to go through all the classes, home studies,
“John and I have been treated mostly with respect and gratitude for everything background and health checks. The best part is they get you talking and thinking
we are doing,” explained Larry. “The only issue is that parents who foster have a about the different types of children available and what you think you can handle
tendency to treat their kids differently. When you know the child is yours (leading (drugs, race, handicaps). I loved the Pride training and what it did for John and me.
to adoption), it is a process of dealing with county workers who aren’t prepared I believe being gay makes you better parents. When our kids come to us with
for parents who want the best for their kid.” concerns about sex, drugs, identity, family and other issues, we can relate. We truly
As the country’s outlook evolves, so does our community. It seems that more accept and love them for who they are! We come from an attitude of solutions
couples are seriously considering adoption to build their families. Larry offers his instead of fear. Before we had kids, other parents sat us down and told us what
advice to same-sex couples about adopting. we could expect and I think the Pride training tried to do this also. After seeing us
“If it’s something you are considering, go through the Pride Training and find parent, all those who were concerned saw what we were doing, saw how much
out,” advises Larry. “This training certifies you as eligible to foster and adopt. It we cared and how we were making a difference first hand.”
July 2009 | RAGE monthly 9
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