youthful thinking
by rikki bower
Coming out is tough – it’s like the ugly prom date your mother Messenger (AIM) so I could talk to him, we finally exchanged
had to set you up with because all the girls in your high school numbers so we could text each other. We then met for dinner with
knew you were gay before you realized it. But seriously, coming a friend of his in Hillcrest. This was actually my first encounter with
out is like high school: some people have good experiences, while gay people and my first experience being in Hillcrest. I liked it. We
others have bad experiences. Everyone learns from it and wants it went to Ichiban On the Rocks and had dessert at Yog-art. Steven
to end as fast as possible so they can get it over with and graduate was as good-looking in person as he was in his profile pictures.
to the real world. Coming out for me was harder then it actu- The night went well and we decided to hang out again. For our
ally was. Honestly, I really didn’t think I was even gay - I actually next date, we planned a trip to Disneyland.
thought I was asexual. I didn’t find many girls attractive and guys We never actually made it to Disneyland, but I came home with
a boyfriend, so everything worked out alright. After three or so
months of sneaking around my parents and spending the night at
a different friends’ house every weekend, I finally decided if I was
COMIng
going to stay in this relationship that I needed to be completely
honest with everyone. I started out slow by telling my sister, who
said she always knew! Steven always told me “mothers always
Out
know.” Some mothers even share their “hunches” with their
husbands, so “fathers always know,” too. He told me that in real-
ity, “You’re the only one who doesn’t know.” In fact, he was right.
On
Everyone knew! My best friend, Eryn, told me that now that I have
come out and realized who “I am,” that I am more fun. She is happy
YOur
that I told her.
Coming out to my parents took a little bit longer and was a
much more “nerve-racking” for me. I thought my mom would not
OWn
love me anymore—I thought I’d be exiled. I don’t exactly know
where these feelings were coming from but I know that I felt them.
terms
I tried to tell my mom a few different times, but each time, I lost my
courage. Eventually, I told her after what seemed like 50 million
attempts—and boy was I completely surprised by her response!
She told me that when I was younger she use to dress me up and
play dolls with me. She also said that it was “okay” and that she
liked Steven - she even said she wanted us to “produce” grandchil-
dren. This definitely was not the response I was prepared for – in
fact, I was already packed just in case I got the response I thought
I was going to get.
Even scarier was the thought of telling my very male, very het-
erosexual father. So I did the next best thing—I poured my heart
and soul into a very long and very detailed e-mail about how I
met Steven and how I came to the realization that I was gay. The
funny part is that my dad happened to open the e-mail while his
laptop was connected to a projector at his work in front of a group
of employees he was training. My dad works on a military base de-
veloping weapons for the military and teaches military personal
didn’t even cross my mind until I met Steven. Oh Steven! Yes, there how to use these weapons. Several military men and my dad’s
is a story behind my Steven, and here it is: coworkers read my coming out story on the projector screen!
Spontaneously, I decided to create an account on a gay net- My dad responded to my e-mail by telling me how embarrassed
working site and I stumbled into the chat rooms. At first, I had no he was of me. A few months passed before our relationship was
luck connecting with other guys—most of them were either far healed. I am now confident that my dad will go to my wedding if I
too old for my taste, way too young or in another state. To top it ever decide to get married, though I know he will never agree with
all off they it seemed like everything wanted to ‘C2C’. I got tired of “my lifestyle.” I know he still loves me, though, and that is what
typing my ‘asl’ over and over to everyone who asked, so I stopped matters most. My coming out story was definitely not as dramatic
logging into the site. Even though I didn’t fare too well in the chat as I thought it was at the time. Coming out should be on your own
rooms, my personal profile did a slightly better job of making a terms. People may surprise you!
connection with a real genuine, attractive, stable guy (tough to
find online, I know)! Lucky me!
After a month of waiting for this guy to log-on to AOL Instant feedback?
youthfulthinking@ragemonthly.com
30 RAGE monthly | MAY 2009
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100 |
Page 101 |
Page 102 |
Page 103 |
Page 104 |
Page 105 |
Page 106 |
Page 107 |
Page 108 |
Page 109 |
Page 110 |
Page 111 |
Page 112