Four Better and Four Worse Celebrity Valentines
Four Better
#4 tyra Banks and herself
While technically not a bonafide couple, per se,
Tyra Banks seems to be sooo in love with herself that
she actually does constitute as a couple. As dem-
onstrated on America’s Next Top Model and her talk
show, The Tyra Banks Show, where every sentence
begins with an “I” and all of the stories guests share
seem to magically revolve back to Banks.
#3 reese Witherspoon
and Jake Gyllenhaal
Reese and Jake (we’re tight) definitely have taken
the down-low approach to their pairing, which be-
gan in April of 2007, with a few public dates here and
there. It seems like they are the stay-at-home-and-
cuddle type, and if one of their big screen TVs hap-
pens to go on the fritz – they can do shadow puppets
on her rather large forehead. I kid because I love.
#2 Heidi Montag and spencer Pratt
The relationship between these “stars” will remain
in tact if:
(A) The hypnosis that Pratt employs over Montag
never wears off.
(B) Montag doesn’t feel betrayed by Pratt when he
introduces a line of douche products.
(C) If it’s scripted.
(D) All of the above applies here, and my condolences
to the trees that die in vain to give these two press.
#1 Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
If some people stay together for the sake of the kids,
then this Hollywood power couple will be together
for a very long time! They have become less Mr. and
Mrs. Smith and more Mr. and Mrs. Brady of The Brady
Bunch with their large brood—all they need is Ann B.
Davis in the middle square to complete this image.
As it stands, they remain the picture perfect embodi-
ment of a celebrity couple at its finest.
Cut. Print. that’s A Wrap!
While some celebrity love affairs come and go, one
that can always be counted on for its endurance is the
longstanding affair between Richard Simmons and
those dolphin shorts. Ack! I hope he’s been washing
them all these years! Talk about sweatin’ to the oldies.
Until next time, that’s all of the news that’s fit to print.
FEBRUARY 2009 | RAGE monthly 39
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