hollywood
by tim parks
Four Better and Four Worse Celebrity Valentines
Four Worse
Even in the glittering world of Hollywood there is, as in real life, a fair share of couples that have what
it takes to make the long haul in the commitment department. On the flip side of that are couples that make
#4 Zac efron and Vanessa Hudgens
you scratch your head in disbelief, as to their coupling and durability as such. Some are in it for better and
This tween twosome lit up the silver screen, and
others definitely for worse. And, in the spirit of the month that treasures l’amour, here’s a look at those who
set the box office ablaze with last October’s High
could be celebrating Valentine’s Day at least until next year, and those who most likely won’t be. Let’s start with
School Musical 3: Senior Year.
the men and women most likely not to succeed, shall we?
But one has to wonder if there isn’t going to be a
college musical franchise (please don’t Disney—
remember, it didn’t work for the Saved by the Bell
gang), then will their pairing go up in, ahem, flames?
It has long been rumored that Efron’s and Hudgens’
love has been the by-product of the publicity ma-
chine, and that Efron may be on our team. Perhaps
Efron will grow tired of having Hudgens as his beard;
seeing as those nude photos of her proved she likes
her hair growth down there on the unruly side and
that could get itchy.
#3 Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
Rumors are swirling that the marriage between
J-Lo and M-Corpse is on the rocks, even though they
were recently sighted on the red carpet together at
The Golden Globes! Of note, Lopez was not wearing
her wedding ring at the star-studded ceremony—
hmm, how do these rumors get started?
I really hope that the reasoning for the possible
dissolution isn’t because Lopez doesn’t see enough
of Anthony. If it is, all he has to do is stop turning side-
ways, and then she’ll see more of him. He’s so thin!
#2 Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon
The marriage between the high octave pop diva
and the rapper/actor (so versatile!) breaks down to a
numbers game, in terms of its staying power.
Carey is Cannon’s senior with an 11-year age differ-
ence between the love birds. The two wed after only
six weeks of dating! Six weeks?
That’s fast, even with the tired lesbian stereotype
of jumping into a relationship quickly being applied
to their marital status - and they didn’t even register
with U-Haul or Home Depot!
#1 Hugh Hefner
and Karissa and Kristina shannon
Call me crazy, but I think that octogenarian Hef’s
new 19-year-old twin Playboy Playmate girlfriends
may just be using the old guy to be on the next
season of The Girls Next Door.
So would that make him a sugar great grandfa-
ther? It also begs the mathematical question of how
many times 19 will let 83 go into it. You do the math,
and remember to carry the Viagra – Hef does!
38 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2009
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