it’s a girl thing
by henrietta henry
Love is a many splendored thing. It’s also a dog Probably the hardest was when my real, legitimate So what happened? I made like Margaret Cho for
from hell. I wanna know what love is. I want you to relationships failed. I either cited irreconcilable dif- a while and said I’M the one that I want. I started to
show me. Love hurts. Love will keep us together. Love ferences or had an epiphany that made me realize figure myself out and spend time with me, instead of
is all you need. It’s a crazy little thing called love. how wrong that person had been for me…or how analyzing everything and everyone else. I took my-
What is it exactly though, and why do people wrong I’d been for them. Then came the weeks of self out on dates, learned all my little idiosyncrasies
spend so much time talking, obsessing and writing over-analyzing and endless conversations with and took it slow in the bedroom. (If taking more than
cheesy rock ballads about it? I spent most of my friends. God help them; they probably didn’t want to ten minutes counts as slow! Heheheh.)
angst-ridden, Tori Amos-obsessed teenage years as play therapist for such extended periods, but luckily Really though, I just stopped and let go. I did figure
a sort of love martyr. I’d just come out and dated a for me they did and I managed not to go completely out that it had all been about control in the past.
string of girls who were both older and jaded, or were insane. If my friends took a break though, I’d resort to Well-intentioned control, but control all the same.
kind of like Shane on L-Word. (“I like you. But I like a I wanted things to go great, all the time. I wanted a
lot of people.”) It was kind of like love boot camp. Or lot of these girls to be “the one.” I wanted to be able
in some cases, a living love nightmare, just because
“Pop culture technology and
to plan our whole lives out and know deep down
you know how intense everything is when you’re a that it would all manifest. I mean, yeah, right! Life is
hormonal teenager trying to know it all when you
emotional intensity can be an
so not like that. There are curve balls and monkey
really don’t know anything.
embarrassingly ridiculous cocktail.”
wrenches and gigantic pot holes in the road, all the
After that, I got kind of nuts as I got a little older and time. When I realized that and let go, well, everything
broke some hearts of my own, figuring love was like did just make sense. But in that “I don’t really know
a David Lynch film and a rock love ballad rolled into what I’m doing but I’ll at least LOOK like I know what
one. It was impossible for me to take anyone seriously. my mom. She would try to offer up her little Zen-like I’m doing” way.
Unfortunately for those poor girls, they took me way anecdotes that seemed too oversimplified for my ev- So now what? Well, truthfully I don’t know, but
too seriously. This was back before cell phones, so er-complicated love life. “Oh, honey when you know, that’s okay with me. Sure, I’ll still read bell hooks
there weren’t endless texts…there were endless 911 you just know. Everything just makes sense.” I’d sigh and watch documentaries about the chemical
and 411 pager messages that I ignored like a total jerk. and roll my eyes. “Mom, I felt like I knew before and breakdown of love in our brains and I’ll still believe
It’s a wonder I didn’t get my ass kicked. then it turns out that I didn’t.” She’d persist, and then in forever and ever. But I’ll also pop that Foreigner CD
Then came those times when I thought I’d desist. “Well then you really didn’t know, did you? But in and rock out to “I Wanna Know What Love Is” and
overcome all the lesbian drama and numbers game hon, I’ve gotta go, I’m burning the Hamburger Helper totally crack up. I’m just taking things as they come
odds and found true love in all its glory. We’ve all had here. Talk to you later! Love you!” Click. Love you too, and just going from there. Like when my girlfriend
those moments, right? When you’re planning your Mom. The irony was comical. and I drove through the Redwoods last month and
wedding by the end of the first month and then by You’re probably thinking this is all leading up to she looked at me and just smiled. Cute, right? Well,
the end of the second you’re deleting and blocking some moment of clarity when I persevered through not long after that we were bickering about who
your beloved on MySpace. Pop culture technology the bullshit and got it all figured out, then met some should be driving, how to change windshield wipers
and emotional intensity can be an embarrassingly awesome girl and am living happily ever after. My and which direction the 101 freeway was. Not so
ridiculous cocktail. life isn’t a Jennifer Aniston/Hugh Grant flick, though. cute. But that’s life…and hopefully, that’s love.
That’s Life…
That’s Love
34 RAGE monthly | FEBRUARY 2009
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