‘Selective Memory’ Is a True Gift
I
f i could grant people one skill, it would be the gift of selective memory. I was talking with a military
veteran about post-traumatic stress disorder — recurring memories of terrible experiences that result in depression or displays of anger. He was quite philosophical about PTSD. He talked about the scary episodes of his service, and expressed feelings about fallen buddies and inhumane behavior by the enemy. There was
SCHLESSINGER 5 MINUTES
the danger, sadness, and anger he harbored because of the war. This is the proper use of selective
memory. Many of us tend to use selective memory to dredge up the negative. When we remember that a parent was mean, or absent, or drunk, and use those memories to justify foolish behaviors in the present, we rob ourselves of thoughts that could happily fi ll each day. Our tendency toward negative
enough material there to be out of whack emotionally for a thousand years. Yet he mostly talked about witnessing compassion, courage, and mercy that also defi ned war. He said, “A man’s ability to feel both compassion and mercy in times of confl ict is what defi nes us — not the violence.” He then described his platoon taking back a town from the enemy and protecting the villagers. In full combat gear, he was posted along the main road to watch for the enemy. At one point, he felt a tug from
behind and saw a little girl with huge eyes looking up at him. He recognized that she needed to cross the road and couldn’t because of a line of tanks. He took her hand and stopped the
tanks so she could pass. She didn’t even turn back for a
look or a wave. Nonetheless, that moment of normality, of chivalry, of kindness, of direct contact with someone in need, made him feel an inner calm that overwhelmed
You can go anywhere you want: to the bad memory or to the good one. You have that power.”
selective memory blocks out positive thoughts. When people call my radio program and complain about the negatives of their history, I often ask them to close their eyes and go full bore back into the terrible memory. I encourage them to marinate in
that memory until they feel the full depth of despair. I then suggest they imagine something that gives them great pleasure and a warm feeling. Then I say, “See? You can go
anywhere you want: to the bad memory or to the good one. You have that power. It is your choice.” Once participating in this exercise,
it is diffi cult for people to deny that it is a choice — and that they can choose to have more peace of mind using the gift of selective memory. The world is, and always has been,
fi lled with evil people who do ugly things. One doesn’t have to go to war to recognize that. But even war is fi lled with instances of goodness. It depends on the memories you choose to select that write your future.
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